REFLECTIONS2

New Year's 2012

2011-12-31T17:02:00.000-05:00

Here's wishing that 2012 will be gentler, kinder and warmer. Here's to hoping that wishes will come true. May friends and family find joy, happiness and good health. I wish all of you the kind of love that brings you home after a long journey, wherever you are.

True love, kindness, tears only of joy and warmth in the embrace of those who carry your heart and soul in the palm of their hands...

Happy New Year's to all and I wish we all find each other in the journey called life this year!

M
New York, New York

Paris Partie Deux

2011-11-16T23:18:00.066-05:00

In October it was decided I would be returning to Paris, one of my favorite cities in the world. The great part about it was, my daughter Nicole was traveling with me.

As is my annual sojourn to Europe, I try to stay away from the hot summer days and schedule closer to early fall so I can have not just the comfortable weather but great pictures as well of moi - in my boots and jackets and my numerous scarves. And so we packed - sweaters, leggings, boots, jackets and all and landed in Paris to experience 85 degree weather! What the crepe?! And thus we ended up wearing our lighter wardrobe intended for the second leg of our vacation, to warmer Barcelona.

I love Paris - have I said that yet? In late September, the touristy crowds have dissipated and the locals are back. The bistros, the cafes and the boulangerie offer a wide variety of pre-fixe menus that will dazzle your palate and appreciation for the French cuisine. I like going to the smaller family-owned shops where when we come in and stagger with my flailing French, they immediately read the distress on my face and dispatch the English-speaking waiter. HA! And then he staggers with his flailing English to explain what is on the menu so we order, he delivers and we are all happy in the end. I always suggest to friends that when you travel, to be adventurous. Order stuff that you are not familiar with but best of all, ask what they recommend: que recommandez-vous? But do all your meals have to be French? Depends how you feel but seriously I think if I did that I would just hate and swear off any more charcuterie before I learn to pronounce it properly! In the one week that we made Paris our home, we also ate at local Italian/pizza restaurants and yes, in Montmartre we found a tiny family-owned Thai place that served sticky rice with their meals and it just hit the spot.

McDonald's, yes - that great American invention, has fascinated me how it has adapted to every country it mushroomed into. In Italy [http://www.mcdonalds.it/#/home/] they have burgers with pancetta and no burgers buns for you but instead you get them in ciabatta rolls! And then they pack their take-outs in snazzy brown bags! Of course in Manila we have the McTapsilog and McLongsilog side by side the Egg McMuffins for breakfast! In France they have the Croque McDo [http://www.mcdonalds.fr/alacarte/petitefaim-4/croque_mcdo-2] which sadly we never got to taste because the 'other' food options were just numerous!

Oh, the Parisiens! I love listening to the local chatter that I absolutely cannot understand and manage to learn if I tried. I think it is a fascinating language - not just romantique but very seductive: "Comment allez-vous?" ... me: oh yes, take me home =) And no, I have never met a rude Parisien (there are more rude New Yorkers trust me!) - we have been helped when asked to even and do they smile back when you greet them 'bon jour!'. I love how the women would ride their bikes in their high heels and how the men strut like they are god's gift to women (hmmm, like the italians and the Spaniards!).

During my first visit to Paris, as a side trip to Lyon, I only stayed three days and had to rush through the major sites in between meeting with friends and making lunch commitments. It was a preview and I was a tourist. This time I wanted to feel like a local. We decided to stay a week and found a wonderful apartment in the Marais area that was rented out by a now NY-based UN staffer.

I have traveled around with my daughter since she was small. In Manila, I taught her how to read road maps so that when we made long drives she read the milestones and would dictate to me what town we would be driving into next and how far we are from it.

True enough, as soon as we arrived in Paris she studied the subway system and by the next day knew the quickest way to get anywhere. She became my official guide. We took in Paris in a very relaxed way - we took long walks and sat in the park to watch people, took extended brunches or took the bus instead of the metro to see more places. On her own she ventured into her museum tours (I get saturated very quickly with the artsy stuff!) and finally had her face to face time with the Mona Lisa. "It is so over-rated!" was her only reaction.

The only major touristy stuff we did were climb La Tour Eiffel and waited until sunset to enjoy the flickering lights of the steel lady, took the river cruise on the Bateaux Mouches and visit Versailles. We mingled like locals with the crowds during Nuit Blanche and it totally reminded us of the chaos that ensues in Manhattan during the Thanksgiving parade or the West Village Halloween parade. We sampled the macarons at Laduree (and my favorite is the rose!) but didn't think much about it since there is also a Laduree in Manhattan. It was just so fantastique to be sitting on a bench along the Champs Elysee munching on les macarons =)

But something happened on the way to being a Parisien. Familiar with the trash shoots in apartment buildings in Manhattan, we thought our building in Marais would also let us throw stuff in the size of small plastic bags. On our first day however we discovered that the slot was no bigger than a mailbox opening and so couldn't hold more than a small bunch of trash. The owner of the apartment told us we can leave recyclables in the apartment that she can dispose off later or bring them to the basement. We ventured into going down the basement and ended up faced with this cavernous dark cold space that had long unlit halls. Yes - how do you say 'creepy' in French again? So we left our huge bag of trash on the floor and ran back to the elevator (before we got stranded, heaven forbid!) and learned our lesson - everyday we threw out small bags of trash into the shoot and brought out the bigger ones (milk and soda bottles, pizza box, etc) to dispose of them into the neighborhood trash cans. In Manhattan that is illegal. I am still waiting for my ticket from the French council.

Someone told me that you never say goodbye to Paris, only "au revoir" because for sure it is a city you will keep coming back to.

Writer's Block

2011-07-31T10:47:00.001-05:00

It feels like I have been suffering from writer's block for the few years. So many things in life has eclipsed the former yearning to just write, ponder and write. These days I have been writing my thoughts through photographs. My new art that I have been sharing to a few. True, the artist is the biggest critic of himself.

Tomorrow, the first of August marks a major milestone. I move out of the office that I have called my second family for the past 8 years. Not out of absolute want, really. In June I took a temporary promotion because "I am getting bored with all the demolition" in the renovation project. It was too technical and the removal of the asbestos in the building prohibited my movements making me less able to photograph the progress of the project. I was mostly stuck in the air-conditioned comfort of the office, pushing construction documents, attending design meetings and bridge-calling donors in Europe. It was too clerical. I applied for other job vacancies and immediately got a temporary post to work with humanitarian staffing in the field. What excitement - new things to learn! Surge capacity, clusters, places with names I had to jot down so I could wikipedia it. Fun!

One week in the job and even more adventures came my way. I was offered a real promotion within the same department but in another office. Great, right? Humbly, I wanted to decline. As humbly as I have declined three previous other offers for promotions. Stupid, right? Yes, I heard you utter the words.

Work to me should be something I feel excited about when I wake up in the morning. It has nothing to do with the remuneration nor is it just the relationships with the people in the office but the value of responsibility that my supervisors give me with confidence that I can manage them. I had that at the renovation project. I have proven my worth and everyone, including the Assistant Secretary-General have given me the appropriate acknowledgements. I need to be a part of it. I have turned down promotions because I am too lazy to start over with having people get to know me and what I can do. I fear the enemies that are unknown. Most of all, I fear failing if put in a different environment. I fear losing myself.

I sought out opinions from my friends and the vote was unanimous. It was time to leave the renovation project. And so with an email, I accepted the job offer.

Tomorrow I will sit in a new desk. I will meet new people, makes new friends, make new enemies. Am I excited? Hard to tell. There is anticipation for sure. There is a feeling that I need to get this over and done with.

My writer's bloc? It is still up and at it. But tonight my fingers sought the keyboard to sort out thoughts and put them on paper (or computer monitor). My thoughts flowed freely, even as my words staggering. Getting over writer's block I realize has more to do with inspiration. That walked out the door when the camera came in. I need to introduce them to each other so they can mate and produce beautiful articles together. That was my objective at the start.

I need to do things.

M
Southhamptons, New York

By Khalil Gibran

2011-07-20T20:11:00.001-05:00

الحب الذي تغسله العيون بدموعها يظل طاهرًا وجميلاً وخالدًا"

Social Networking and the PDA-phobic

2011-07-11T23:57:00.006-05:00

Hot humid summer night in Manhattan. Boy and girl sit outside of Shake Shack eating 'healthier' burgers and 'healthier' fries.

In between chewing and chit-chatting about 'how was your day dear?', they both browse their emails from their phones.

Him: You sent me an invite to Google Plus?

Her: Uh-hum...

Him: Who else is there?

Her: me and none of your million and one female followers.

Him: So it is like a party with no guests.

Her: That's what I Tweeted.

Him: You don't even bother with your Facebook peeps.

Her: They are not my peeps. Half of them are stalkers who add me so they can have 1,000 friends. Only about half of those in my list - the ones who see my full posts are my friends.

Him: So if I add you on Google Plus you and I can chat openly on your wall?

Her: Hell no.

Him: I just deleted your invite.

On Photography

2011-04-21T15:43:00.001-05:00

This weekend I will be attending a two-day photo composition class. My newly bought 24-105 L IS lens and my trusty Canon in tow, I will pray for perfect shooting weather and will hopefully capture New York City wake from its extended winter slumber and burst into colorful spring.

Finally, too I have found the quote that best describes how I photograph from Henri Carter-Bresson: "A great photograph has a musical feel, and a single photograph tells lots of stories and can transfix a moment in time's flow."

Or at least that is how I wish to learn to photograph by the end of my composition classes.

Happy Easter and Happy Passover to all!

A Reflection

2011-04-17T23:35:00.000-05:00

Winter had been long this year, almost endless. It is mid-April and everyone on the East Coast of the continental United States is complaining that they still have their winter coats as part of their daily wardrobe.

Yesterday the rain poured unforgiving. It slew any hopes that warmer days would be approaching. The weight of the soaking and the winds split the huge tree at the corner and spilled its springtime blooms on the sidewalk. It was scary. This morning I woke to the morning sunshine filtering into my apartment through windows that have been pleading for some Windex. When I stepped out for lunch it was still brisk but the sun was out and the skies were blue.

There is this scene in a Julia Roberts movie where Hugh Grant is walking the streets of London and the seasons catch up with him every ten or so steps. My life feels that way sometimes - of time just quickly passing by. Soon it will be the scorching summer days and then the leaves will turn golden again and then Father Winter should not be far behind. Another birthday, another Thanksgiving, another Christmas and then another New Year.

Years pass, seasons come and go and there is no way of denying that I am getting older. I feel it all the time - the impatience for the mundane becomes overwhelming. Yoga helps but when I get to my knees for a better angle for my pictures my knees scream. It is not the same. My eyesight is deteriorating and I blame the architectural drawings I work with daily. I observe the naivete of the young and shake my head knowing I have taken that journey before. But all of this in stride I ask myself where I want to go. What do I want to do? What can I change now to make my life happier? Everyone says I have a great life and yet I have some objections to that statement.

Sometime we think we stall in our decisions because we are too comfortable and too happy that we settle for the status quo. Everyone dreams of a life in Manhattan, working for the world's greatest organization. I travel as I please to places I have once upon a time never even thought I could see beyond the pages of a book. I have great friends and people who truly care and love me. I have dreamed and I have lived some of it. And I have also had some disappointments. Yet I acknowledge that until I am in full control of the world (which yes, I know I never will), there will always be disappointments. I've laughed more than I have cried. I have a smile on my face more often than I have a frown and yet there is something lacking. But that is life. There always have to be a certain vacuum - a part missing because it pushes us to live life some more. To further fulfillment, to share, to grow, to learn, to cry, to laugh, to break and then to mend.

I look outside my window and gaze at another full moon. One more full moon, one more cycle of the earth. I feel blessed and grateful of this life. I am thankful.

M
New York, NY

Things You have Done in Your Lifetime

2011-03-30T23:38:00.001-05:00

Things you have done during your lifetime: (with personal notes in parenthesis)
(X) Gone on a blind date (all my university life it seems)
(X) Skipped school (most of high school and university)
( ) Watched someone die
(X) Been to Canada (Vancouver)
() Been to Mexico
(X) Been to Florida
(X) Been to Hawaii
(X) Been on a plane
(X) Been on a helicopter
(X) Been lost (many times, and loved watching LOST)
(X) Gone to Washington, DC
(X) Swam in the ocean
(X) Cried yourself to sleep
(X) Played cops and robbers
(X) Recently colored with crayons
(X) Sang Karaoke
(X) Paid for a meal with coins only (UN cafeteria usually)
() Been to the top of the St. Louis Arch.
(X) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't (many many times)
(X) Made prank phone calls
() Been down Bourbon Street in New Orleans
(X) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(X) Caught a snowflake on your tongue (I love doing this!)
(X) Danced in the rain
(X) Written a letter to Santa Claus (very recently as a matter of fact)
(X) Been kissed under the mistletoe
(X) Watched the sunrise with someone (and sunset....)
(X) Blown bubbles
(X) Gone ice-skating
(X) Gone to the movies
() Been deep sea fishing
() Driven across the United States
() Been in a hot air balloon
() Been sky diving
(X) Gone snowmobiling
(X) Lived in more than one country
(X) Lay down outside at night and admired the stars while listening to the crickets
(X) Seen a falling star and made a wish (and the wish didn't come true)
() Enjoyed the beauty of Old Faithful Geyser
(X) Seen the Statue of Liberty
() Gone to the top of Seattle Space Needle
(X) Been on a cruise (short cruise)
(X) Traveled by train
() Traveled by motorcycle
(X) Been horse back riding
(X) Ridden on a San Francisco CABLE CAR
(X) Been to Disneyland OR Disney World (both)
(X) Truly believe in the power of prayer (many times faith has helped me through tough times but I am still not a devout anything)
(X) Been in a rain forest
(X ) Seen whales in the ocean
(X) Been to Niagara Falls
() Ridden on an elephant
( ) Swam with dolphins
( ) Been to the Olympics
( ) Walked on the Great Wall of China
( ) Saw and heard a glacier calf
( ) Been spinnaker flying
( ) Been water-skiing
(X) Been snow-skiing
( ) Been to Westminster Abbey
(X) Been to the Louvre
() Swam in the Mediterranean
(X) Been to a Major League Baseball game
(X) Been to a National Football League game

Mumblings

2011-03-30T08:31:00.000-05:00

I have noticed that when more senior-ranking colleagues make ridiculous pronouncements and expect everyone to believe it, it only emphasizes how stupid they think you are to believe it.

I am just saying.

New York,
M

Restlessness

2011-03-15T23:56:00.000-05:00

10PM : I found myself sitting on my couch with Google Earth open on my iPad. I was planning my year and it would be based on where I plan to be - in the spring, the summer, autumn and Christmas holidays. I had "bookmarks" to work with. Having just returned from a quick vacation with family, I promised my dad I would return for his birthday in August. So I have blocked two weeks in August for Manila. Where to go before and after in Asia was the next question. I have resolved that in my quest to cover much of Europe as I can I would at the same time see as much of Asia as I can and seems only reasonable to time this when I go home. For August I was torn between my boyfriend's suggestion of meeting up in Phuket or photographing a more zen Bali or more exotic Bhutan.

I have also made a promise to my family to be home for the holidays so I will be in Manila in December. We were planning a pre-50th wedding anniversary celebration for my parents and I have been looking at doing a quick 5-7 day cruise with them embarking from either Singapore or Hong Kong. I have contacted a travel agency after I ended up with dead-end searches on the internet only to be reminded that it will be winter in China so there would be limited short cruises. Sigh...maybe we can just all go to Cebu? Or I heard the Shangri-La in Boracay is exceptional.

And then there is the problem that is May. I have made plans to return to Italy in the spring to see the sunflowers in Tuscany. When I traveled last fall they were gone and in their plan was a landscape of autumn golds, yellows, reds and browns. And yet I have also wanted to see the fjords of Norway and bask in the 24 hour daylight splendor.

Locally I have tickets to see friends in Miami, San Francisco and Chicago. Grateful for the mileage I have accumulated that feeds my wanderlust through free tickets! Cheers Delta and Continental! And cheers that even my credit card purchases go into mileage! YAY!

And then I stall... I have promised Jorge I will visit him in Madrid and I would like to see Barcelona and Zaragoza as well as see the churches of Andalucia. Spain in the fall? Andrea's stint in Geneva will end soon and I did say we would see Berne, Zurich and the southern Swiss lakes together in the summer. And then there is Prague. And then Jenny and my return to Stockholm as the girl with the butterfly tattoo in Gamla Stan.

The world is too big, so many places to see with so little time. My perfect solution is yes, to win the lottery. I will file a year long leave from my work (not resign - you want me to give up my hefty pension fund???) and just travel around the world with no clear direction. I would start with Scandinavia in the summer and then St. Petersburg. And then I would base myself again in Colle di Val D'Elsa while I discover the other parts of Tuscany ... a chance to see Bramasole finally??? Or maybe find a new base in Umbria. Then I will head back to Lyon and enjoy the bridges when it is warmer and brighter. The last time I was there was also in the autumn and 3 days of my week was rained out. I would like to return to the Vieux Lyon and stay longer - maybe 3 weeks to enjoy the cuisine and the wine and the people. Then I will proceed to Provence for the lavender fields and then to Nice. And then I will take my favorite TGV to Paris where I will get an apartment even tinier than my Manhattan flat and live there for the rest of the summer.

And when the crisp air begins to blow, I will return north to enjoy the colors. I will walk the streets of Zurich and then enjoy the Italian lakes and re-experience the magic of Tuscan countryside. Then I will head towards Nairobi where I will photograph the wilderness. I will spend days in the safaris and maybe hike Kilimanjaro. I will explore the deserts and shoot pictures of the dunes at dawn and at sunset and marvel at the brilliant colors that nature creates.

When it begins to get cold then I will be migratory like the birds and head for Asia. I have been planning to see Japan for two years now. Despite the great catastrophic earthquake and tsunami in 2011, I still believe Japan will be beautiful to see in the spring and in the fall. And then it is time to bike in Viet Nan, walk the paddies in search for Ketut in Indonesia (Eat Pray and Love anyone?). I would like to hibernate in the beaches of Bali or Phuket or just find comfort in the love of family back in Manila.

You see I know my cycles - Europe in the spring and the summer, Africa in the fall and Asia in the winter. Now I will go out and get myself a lottery ticket......

M
Manhattan, NY

A Promise

2011-01-31T22:58:00.000-05:00

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

Shakespeare Sonnet 116

Curtain Call

2010-12-31T21:25:00.002-05:00

2010.

A year of tears - when several close friends are tragically lost in the earthquake in Haiti; the gray and gloom that hovered us many months after that constantly reminded us how fragile and temporary life is; the usual daily drama of life - betrayals/ reconciliations/ departures/ separations; a health scare that pushed me to make sure that in case anything happens to me everything is in order - that I have made the decision of NOT to be kept in a vegetative state, NOT to be resuscitated and NOT to have a viewing of my remains (people staring down on me while I lie in a box defenseless why the morgue gave me orange lipstick...ew... too vain for that!).

A year of discovery - that I can do yoga and that I can love yoga; that 20 minutes a day of quiet meditation - no phone, no computer, no tv, no music - is worth a a million less wrinkles everyday; that I can learn to eat vegetables and learn to love some vegetables; travel - that there is nothing in books that can take the place of actually being in another country - not as part of a tour group but for a brief moment as part of its people; a new appreciation for technology - once you go Mac you never go back.

Friends can get recycled - Thank you Facebook for connecting me to friends I knew back in the ancient times. And also because New York seem to be the center of the universe, everyone who stepped into New York stepped back into my life like there was never a 20/30 year gap in between. Lost and found. Friends from elementary school are now your grown up friends. And in some instances grown up friends revert or stay behind in the world you have just left behind when you stepped into adulthood.

Truth to the adage that when you love your work you never have to go to work a day in your life. And I do love what I do. So much that to date I have turned down 8 promotions since last year. I always defend that it is a 'once in a lifetime' kind of project and that whatever opportunity I get in learning new things everyday does not match neither getting promoted or the minuscule financial gain it brings.

Looking back I think it wasn't a very bad year. Still there were many instances where it pales in comparison with my other banner years.

Welcome 2011 then. No New Year resolutions because I think putting a pressure on myself to do something only brings out the rebel in me that makes me want to fail. Instead I pick up where I left on in 2010 - gathering my lessons learnt and bringing them forward like a studious coed in the school of life. There is endless optimism that a New Year brings and yet I believe everyday should mark a new beginning if we will it to be to tinker with our life to make it better.

Happy New Year everyone and I wish you all many pleasant little surprises along the way.

M
New York City

New Concept

2010-11-17T17:23:00.000-05:00

UN holiday, not a NY holiday = best time to shop.

We enter a new store in Chelsea on 5th Avenue. Loud club music, tapa plates scattered around with free food for everyone.

Him: Why aren't there any clothes on the main floor. Is this a bar?

Me: It's a concept store.

We walk around, sales people offer champagne, more tapas.

Him: No I just want some pants!

Everyone giggles.....

I love this man.

Fortune Cookie

2010-11-14T23:20:00.013-05:00

Why some New York Japanese restaurants offer fortune cookies I will never know. But I love the excitement of getting something in return for my 15% tip, even if everyone else on the table think the 'fortune' is a farce. I subscribe to serendipitous possibilities - after my sukiyaki I will have the wise maitre'd serve me my future in 10 words.

And so eagerly, like the usual ritual we have had many times before, as six pieces of fortune cookies land with the faux leather folder that carries our bill, I gather them up and distribute them around to my friends except for two pieces. The last two pieces I then keep on my open palm for my friend to pick his and whatever is left behind is the fortune cookie of my destiny:

"Live out of your imagination instead of out of your memory"

Well said.

M
New York

Arrivederci Italia

2010-11-04T21:51:00.010-05:00

The trip is almost done now. Two and a half weeks of an adventure to a land that I have only read about, where I do not speak the language (even if I tried) and for most of it on my own. There had been some minor mishaps but generally I would say it has been quite an experience - a very memorable one.

The journey began in Milan and ends in Milan. It has taken me behind the ancient walls of Bergamo and Tuscany, the charm of Florence and the ethereal beauty of Rome. I have met up with friends and have had the chance to experience a genuine Italian family dinner. I have learned each city's local transport system and traveled like a local except in Tuscany where I based myself in a small town called Colle di Val d'Elsa, rented a car and with the gentle guiding voice of a GPS maneuvered hairpin curves through vineyards, olive farms and picture perfect little towns.

I have walked around with my camera and captured people, places and things in photographs which I will share when I am back home and settled in the familiar comfort of my apartment. For this trip I have traveled with my iPad, and survived on the wifi from my hotels. So far I have had the chance to share some images to my family and friends to ease their worries about me and this adventure.

I realize now that my itinerary still has a lot lacking. There were places I had planned to see but did not have the chance. Definitely two and a half weeks has not been enough to enjoy Italy. But since it is the most time that I can take off from work for the meantime it would have to suffice. Maybe not even a lifetime is enough to enjoy this beautiful country, so definitely I would be back.

M
Roma, Lazio, Italia

The Milan Experience

2010-10-25T10:08:00.002-05:00

Arrived in Milan under cloudy skies that deteriorated by the day so that by today, Monday it is pouring and the adventurous tourists who dare step out with hopes of maintaining an itinerary returned to the hotel soaked to the bone. Yes, that is me.

So far Milan has not been a very eye-candy experience as Italy should be about. The city is run down, very gray, dirty and expensive. Only with the exception of the small area of the Duomo is it commercially groomed for some pleasant strolls. My friend and I have summed it up as hoping to have a Parisian experience but instead finding ourselves in the Bronx. I'm sure that just put me in the bad side of some Milanese mafia.

The food so far however have been outstanding. In the Navigli district on Friday night I have a huge plate of spaghetti with clams and it was finger licking good. I am not a very eager pasta eater but proudly, I did clean up my plate. Even small hole-in-the-wall restaurants have been surprising in their delivery of delicious food. Today for lunch in it's simplicity, I had a toasted croissant with caciocavalio (sic) cheese and prosciutto and it is nothing like what you get in New York. yes, I am talking to you, Cipriani Dolci!

One more day and then I pack up and head south to Florence where everyone tells me it will be sunnier, warmer, brighter and much much better.

M
Milan, Italy

Not Missing Facebook

2010-10-07T23:39:00.018-05:00

On a whim I turned off my Facebook account on Tuesday night last week. I had many reasons but mostly it was puzzlement of how I ended up with 475 friends. I am not a social butterfly so I CANNOT have 475 real friends - I told myself. The gorgeous man next to me just begged to differ. I love and adore this man =)

How for example am I suddenly in a banter with these people from high school and college who never thought I was cool enough to be part of their clique. And then there were the superficiality of most of the exchanges that just bothered me. And status updates about the shallowest of things (i.e. what should I buy? a $1,000 Gucci bag or a $650 Jimmy Choo? Me: get a cheap tasteful bag and donate the rest to kids who can't have one meal a day!). Or rant about things at work when I know very well they hardly work in the first place. And couples who post lovey-dovey messages on each others' walls when I know they are having extramarital affairs. Then it becomes obvious - social network is as socializing is to reality show is to reality (thank you Arron Sorkin)!

Of course, having had an addition to the website for almost 3 years now I did have to go through some withdrawal symptoms. I thought I would eventually quietly slip back in and log on. Initially I turned to Twitter and sent my twits more often.

And then there was this new-found freedom. People started emailing me back on my mailbox which was convenient because now I can reply from my trusty Blackberry. When I had my FB, people emailed me through the site which meant I had to log in to respond. And then I didn't have the constant email notifications of a picture of me being tagged somewhere. Although my privacy setting do not allow others to see the pictures I am tagged in, I still monitored where I was ID'd. I don't mind being tagged as long as I looked decent. The man beside me is notorious about uploading pictures of myself and tagging them all over. And then his friends would comment in their language which necessitates the assistance of Google translate to comprehend.

And so for the next 24 hours, my life began to return to a normal cycle of ...well, life. I woke up and didn't check on my Facebook first thing in the morning. I didn't sneak into a quick glance of the site from my Blackberry between meetings and on the commute on the bus. The best thing of all, I had more time to work on my pictures. And then I really found time to sit on the couch and read the books I have collected in my iPad. I had time to read through the travel books I got to prep for my next trip and had time to take down some notes.

Today marks 10 days of Facebook-less existence. And you know what - I do not miss it at all anymore! I still am in touch with the people who matter through emails. And then there are the phone calls, of course. Pictures that need to be shared? The ones I only really enjoy viewing are on Flickr and I always find them updated.

However I don't wish to impress that I will completely not return to my old FB account. Definitely though I will sign back in. But there will no longer be 475 people in that friends folder. I hope they understand that it is not personal but I would like to have the freedom to post status updates and pictures to the few people I am comfortable sharing them with. My goal is to cut it down to half.

I guess you need to walk away from something that has taken over your life, see it from outside the box and be able to figure out exactly what its purpose is. Much like everything else actually.

M
New York City

Labor Day Weekend

2010-09-06T09:28:00.000-05:00

Playing around with blogspot from my iPad. Pleased that it works with the new format.

This week will be short - Monday off with Labor Day weekend and then the end of Ramadan on Friday. Big meetings on Tuesday and the rest of the week should be a breeze. I like this...prepping for the end of summer. Have I said I like the four seasons and how each end of fall, spring or summer becomes a milestone that divides the year in categories.

Staycation mode in Manhattan but enjoying the last days of the season. Weather is perfect, friends are also in town for some company. On a weekend when all of the city folks are elsewhere there is still a lot left to do - the US Open, the high line park, the non touristy spots. Today we will have a barbecue on the deck. Not the last for sure. We plan to keep doing this until the snow takes over the space.

La dolce vita!

Flowers at Home: Almost Italy

2010-08-29T19:14:00.003-05:00

The next major trip will be to Italy in late October. I will be spending 5 days in Tuscany - driving around to see the small towns sprinkled between Florence and Rome. I plan to roam vineyards in Chianti, stroll the cobblestone streets of Montepulciano and Volterra. I plan to sit and bask in the Tuscan sun in the midst of ancient piazzas.

And so in prep for this major solo travel, I have literally brought home all travel books from the NYPL because I am too cheap to buy. I am memorizing phrases and dutifully practicing my Italian.

To bring home the feeling I grabbed the summer bouquet from the deli downstairs. Great yellow from the sunflower and oranges from the mini sunflowers plus bursts of green and brown from other flowers.

Ahhhh, la bellisima!

NYC

Scandinavian Summer

2010-08-13T19:35:00.003-05:00

Everything about this trip went wrong right from the start. Deciding to pack light I only brought my iPad and my camera and hoped the iPad camera connector kit I ordered online would arrive on time. It didn't. 10 days later I have 4 4GB cards with pictures, I am unable to download. They will have to wait until I return to New York.

The flight to leave NYC was scheduled for 8:30 PM. My friend stayed too late at work and ended up missing the limousine service so had to flag a cab. In Manhattan at 6PM, that was tough. Hardly enough time to pass by for me and make it through the rush hour traffic to the airport. It was photo finish but we didn't get to check in our bags since the gates were almost closed. Fine with me - I travel with my trusty carry on luggage and my overnighter. Not too good for my friend with two pieces of carry-on, one which he had to pay for. Oh well...

We landed in Norway on time though and spent the next days gallivanting through Oslo, Stockholm, and Copenhagen. For countries I hardly knew anything about prior to the trip (except for the Stieg Larsson's Millenium Trilogy), I was fascinated. Many times I just stood and stared and tried to take in the unusual natural beauty of my surroundings. The architecture of the old as it mixes with the minimalist modern. The calming waters that surround each city, the cruise through the canals of Denmark and the harbour views of Stockholm and Oslo had been close to dreamy.

The summer here has the sun setting often at 10:00 PM. And then the skies do not get too dark, the skies always having a hint of light. As though the heavens would like to keep its eyes just barely closed for a nap, afraid to miss the beauty of the season. You see, when winter sets in I was told, the temperatures plunged as early as October and by December all is covered in white snow.

The people are nice, very warm and hospitable. I have made so many new friends in the 10 days I was visiting, I felt sorry that I had to explain why I do not add people to my Facebook. I felt trivial and maybe I will reconsider. I met up with old friends who introduced me to their friends and families. They welcomed me, offered me aquavit which I have learned to enjoy.

It is almost Saturday now. A full 10 days since I arrived. The time on the iPad says 2:51 AM. It is quiet at the hotel and I am still awake. Heart-broken about leaving, wishing I could stay. There is still too much to see, so much to enjoy. Friends today tried so many ways to extend my stay but the cost of rebooking and the new ticket is just too exorbitant. I dismissed all efforts today by declaring I would just have to come back.

Another summer.

Oslo, Norway

2:53 AM

Relapsed

2010-06-22T23:40:00.001-05:00

Just when I thought I have got things figured out, I got a phone call that pretty much sounds like "let's try this again". I have thought this out before, see - I am good where I am right now. I'd prefer the status quo and would likely insist on it. Except that my heart skipped a beat this afternoon and I find myself literally spellbound... once more at the mercy of my stupidity.

I can't be doing this again....I seriously need to grow up.

Please go tell my heart.

Flowers at Home: Orchids

2010-06-15T19:47:00.004-05:00

So he brought me a pot of orchids to cheer me up last weekend after my surgery. It is a beautiful plant with four shoots of flowering stems displaying flowers with light pink petals and fuschia lips.

In the morning I bring it next to the window to allow it to get some air and then right before I leave for work, I move it back to the coffee table.

He knows I am not good with plants but he told me I deserved another chance and then crossed

his fingers.

Am quite confident I won't kill it actually, because the orchid pot I have owned for 2 years now which I thought I've murdered several times through drowning or starvation now has flower shoots. Yes, that is plural - there are two, not just one.

Flowers at home: Daisies

2010-06-15T19:29:00.003-05:00

It is almost summer afterall...

For my apartment, we bought from Union Square's farmer's market three bunches of white daisies and scattered them in vases throughout including the bathroom.

It has so far made the week so much more bright and sunny especially when I come home and tired from back to back meetings.

Close Call

2010-06-14T19:22:00.003-05:00

You know that feeling...like when a sneeze is imminent but it is just holding off. Tears start to pool in your eyes, your nose flare, there is much anticipation, your breathing becomes shallow.

Or when the stretch of hot humid summer days have all living things yearning for a break. The earth starts to crack in its thirst. Trees start to look weary, almost surrendering to the punishing heat. In the city the streets feel as though it has started to heave steam through its asphalt roads.

And then the much awaited release. A huge sneeze. A heavy quenching downpour. Relief.

That was what it felt like to have my doctor give me a really dim prognosis after two routine exams came back with abnormalities. She scheduled me for a third exam, this time more radical - a do or die (yeah, a pun) check to confirm what the exams were showing. Coming from a family of medical professionals, I benefited from knowing what questions to ask. To some disadvantage, too, I guess because then I ended up finding out too much. And with further discussions I re-consult with Francis who helped me understand further what my options were.

On Friday, a week after a diagnostic surgery the doctor called and informed me that the results came out negative. Like a dam the tears broke - I cried like a baby. Well, acceptable considering I felt like I just got my life back. I called my boyfriend who had been through the punishing journey with me, himself ending up going through sympathetic symptoms brought about by the anxiety. He was overcome by emotions as well. I called Francis to give him the good news, informed my BFF, T (who went out with her hubby for drinks to celebrate) and the small circle of people who knew about the problem.

In the weeks with the dim possibilities looming over me I organized my life that if I got hit by a bus tomorrow my insurance, my pension fund, my living will, my will are all in place. My financials have never looked so good. In sadness I thought about what I could end up missing - seeing my daughter marry and have children, being able to travel to so many places I've always wanted to see but held off because 'I was too busy". It sounds overly dramatic now but faced with an impending uncertainty about your future, truly your life just flashes in front of your eyes.

A clean slate. This is a new life. I plan to not dwell on the things that do not matter. Yeah, work is just work now. A means to an end. I will definitely travel more (way more than before). I will do those sailing lessons and will bike all through summer (tho still not convinced I will do that to go to work). I will stop with a compulsive need to make everyone happy. Damn, I will make me happy. It's my turn!

The smile on my face all through the weekend and through today made people notice a new radiance. It's a new start. I will make the most of it.

May Flowers

2010-05-23T10:46:00.010-05:00

April showers bring May flowers. In New York it seemed this week like a burst of many many flowers. It is my favorite time - a return of life after the

dead of winter. When the city is vibrant again, people spilling into the streets and the pulse of the urban jungle I call home comes alive.

The rose garden at UNHQ was in full bloom and this weekend, Union Square was a confusing mix of colours and sweet smells. Roses, gardenias, peonies, tulips, daisies filled the stores and people walked away with armloads of springtime to bring home the season.

I was photographing his batch of wild phlox and the vendor joked that he'd charged me $3 per picture and a free bunch. I had a lunch date so I told him I'd come back later, which he probably has heard many times before so he just smiled. I did come back, just as he was closing his day. I asked for 2 bunches but instead he gave me 4, all he had left and charged me $5 for them.

This morning I woke to a room filled with the sweetest smell, in my most favorite color of all, and drank my coffee just adoring the delicate flowers.

New York City

Proof, Washington DC

2010-04-19T20:14:00.006-05:00

Long work hours, stressful relocation meetings, toxic friends and all sort of other troubling factors necessitated a weekend away from the maddening crowd. We chose to drive away on the Thursday before Easter and decided to have quiet solo-time in Washington DC. Incidentally, because of the early warm weather, the peak of the cherry blossoms came a week early and we were just in time for it.

On Friday evening we discovered a fantastic wine bar and restaurant just close to the hotel: Proof, located at 775 G Street. The wine bar was superb and so were the cheese and charcuterie selections.

For starters we had the lentil soup and the foie gras to accompany our Spanish wines - I had white and he had red. Then I ordered the fennel encrusted pork loin which sat in a bed of risotto with fuji apples. It was delicious - the meat was juicy and tender and the flavors complimenting the spices. My friend ordered the duck confit which he enjoyed so much he cleaned out his plate!

The ambiance of the place was ultra sophisticated. The music wa

sn't too loud that it allowed for dinner conversation without needing to scream at each other across the table. The flow of guests were endless - constantly keeping the restaurant packed to seating capacity. The staff were very accommodating that the hostess even apologized to us because she couldn't sit us within the promised 15 minutes. Mind you, we had no reservations. In New York we could may as well have spent the night on the waiting couch!

To end the evening, we decided to share a chocolate mousse and some port wine. It was the perfect culmination to an already perfect dinner. The bittersweet perfection of the chocolate and the melt-in-your mouth goodness of the mousse was heavenly.

All in all, it was a fantastic weekend vacation that was a panacea to all our troubles. Plus, I got my iPad from the Clarendon, VA Apple store on the day of the launch, 3 April within 25 minutes of the store's opening!

New York City

Year Ender 2009

2009-12-26T19:21:00.002-05:00

Hello blogsphere…I am back. Or trying to get back.

Belated Happy Holiday greetings to all. It has been a while, admitedlly, and I will give you the lamest excuse in the book for my extended absence. Work. That’s as lame as it gets but also as truthful.

In May I returned to the Capital Master Plan of the UN after a brief stint with the Pension Fund. Since then I have been immersed in the logistic of relocating more than 5,000 staff members of the organization out of headquarters and into swing space offices. The objective of the relocation is to empty UNHQ and then to gut-renovate the tower and the conference building.

The past six months has been a blur. Meetings, planning, reports and floor plans and more meetings. I have become familiar with a whole gamut of architectural and engineering terms than I cared to. I have walked construction sites and stood my ground as an equal in the team albeit in high heels. My job description is brief: hold the client’s hand to make sure they ease into the move process and eventually the new space seamlessly. I liase between the client side and the construction side and like everything else that strays and stays in the middle of the road I have often suffered the consequences of being run over by incoming traffic. But I love my job. I love that at the end of the day there is a quantitative way of measuring my accomplishments. I love that it utilizes the creative side of my brain to tackle problems and that I am able to liase with different kinds of people. It is, I have said many times, a daily job interview. People see what I do and how well or badly I perform.

There are two more weekends to my crucial moves and it involves working on two holiday weekends: Christmas and New Year’s weekend. The reason as well that I am in New York for the holidays and now with family in Manila as I always am. After this task is done I will move on to other things. I am unsure if it will be as exciting as what I have done so far but this has really become a feather to my cap.

One thing I haven’t been amiss had been the properly space breaks to travel and have some r&r. In August I hied off to a surprise vacation to St. Thomas in the US Virgin Islands. The sun and sea was refreshing although through most of the three-day trip I stayed in touch with the office on the emails and on phone calls. But it was still a wonderful break and even had found time to go around St. Croix and St. John islands.

In September I went home to Manila and spent two weeks with family. It was a soaked vacation with the skies clearing only enough to allow us a three-day vacation in Bohol. Two mega-typhoons hit the country and caused many deaths. Through many reschedules and the stressful event management, we were also able to celebrate the birthdays of my niece Gabbie (7 years old) and nephew Liam (5 years old).

In November, I met up with Kristina to see her new home in Guatemala. It was a quick weekend but it was still a wonderful break. I get to know Max, her loveable Golden Retriever pup. We drove around Guatemala City and did girl things – decorate her apartment, do shopping and doll up with spa medicures and massages. We also took a day trip to La Antigua, an old town in the valley framed by ancient mythical mountains – an old town which provided me with many beautiful pictures coming back.

Autumn has passed and soon it is winter in New York. My Canon and I have become best friends – recording each changing of the season since thesummer. A friend from college, Tess Domingo and I were reunited by Facebook and she has come to visit me in the city twice. We did Halloween in NY together donning our costumes and ending up joining the East Village parade.

Christmas was spent with friends. I have rediscovered my partygirl self with new friends I have made at the UN through my relocation groups. The holiday parties were often continued to the bars and I’ve never been good with my alcohol so I would always end up the hungover person in the early meeting the next day. Christmas lunch was at my favorite restaurant in NYC – Spice Market. For New Year’s, we plan to be at the Gramercy Travern, my other favorite spot.

2009 had beena wonderful year to me. I have had met great people, made new friends and just had a fun time everyday. I have had some unique adventures that makes for some great memories. I have made some great reconnections through Facebook and Twitter. I have rediscovered my camera. I have become more at ease in my own skin. I have become more forgetful of others’ shortcomings which is way better than not being forgiving. I am in a good place.

2010. Are you also in anticipation of the New Year as I am?

I hope that work will take me into more adventures – to doing new things each day. I hope to keep some valuable friends close. My obsessive-compulsive self wants to keep those with much drama a tad distant. I hope my family stays healthy and that everyone stays happy. I hope to be able to return to Guatemala and plan a trip to Europe and later, to spend the holidays with my family in Manila because I miss being the one to cook the turkey. I would love to stay long enough to go to the beach and maybe yes, bring a friend from NY over.

I hope for a lot of things. But I hope that my journeys continue to bring me new things, new friends, new discoveries. I am not good with static. I’ve never been. I’ve always believed that life is too short and it is what we make it out to be. My life is and always will be bigger than life itself.

Happy holidays all and see you in 2010!

New York City, 7:20 PM

Changes

2009-10-08T19:59:00.003-05:00

It is now autumn in NY. The air has a crisp feel to it and sometimes even the light jacket is not enough to keep me warm because I tend to get cold quickly.

Where did the summer go? I wouldn't know. I have been wondering as well. Most of June and July was rained out and then we had a nice August. I was out for two weeks in September and when I came back - voila! Autumn.

I love the season though it has always been a melancholy time for me, the tropical girl who feels most comfortable in warm weather.

Being in Manila for two weeks however I had my chance to feel summer at its most summery mode. It was heat and humidity to the max. Humidity so dense you often feel like you can slice it with a knife. But did I hate it? Suffucatingly accepted it, of course but sitting outside my parents house always had some light breeze which was comforting.

So the trip. I ate tons of seafood and refused to eat anything I knew I would be able to get in New York which made my mom quip that I was now Jewish - refusing most pork dishes offered to me. Nope, I still haven't converted to eating any vegetables except for the okra and the kangkong which I do not count as vegetables. I try harder to mask this dislike when in front of my 7 year old niece and 5 year old nephew though. I didn't want to set any bad examples.

I had the chance to spend 4 weeks on the white sands of Panglao Island in Bohol with my parents and Nicole. These 4 days makes about the only 4 days in my 2 weeks in he Philippines when we were not inundated by a major typhoon. Did I tell you that in the two weeks I was home I had brought in two mega typhoons as well? Not the usual flooding, mind you but the kind that ruins lives, drowns pets and people and is broadcast on international TV. No, my family didn't get affected. My parents' house is so well constructed we were oblivious to the calamity until the Blackberry broke the news to me with an email from another continent.

So it is now autumn and not too far away would be the first snow. I am still unsure how and where I will likely spend the holidays. Probably stay in NY. I have said that Christmas in Manila is so chaotic and traveling during the holidays is a mad experience. But then all my family is there. I'd miss my mom's cooking and though I have put up the Christmas decorations up at home already, the lights have not been installed yet. I have to do that too. And that justifies my coming back.

I will decide when I get the plane fare quote. More later, peeps.

My Best Birthday Gift EVER

2009-09-19T18:25:00.003-05:00

My daughter Nicole's blog entry on Friday, 18 September - my birthday. It's a most wonderful gift - one that is priceless, most touching and yes, it made me tear up.

Her Blog : En Route

Friday, September 18, 2009

My mother, the New Yorker

My mother, the New Yorker, is a project manager at the United Nations. It was from her that I inherited my insane knack for organization and documentation. Like her, systems for things are automatically generated my head, making multi-tasking ever so effortless and even amusing, as often laughed about by my own peers.

You can be anything that you want, as long as you put your heart into it, she told me one time, when she found me fear-stricken in the face of a challenge much larger than myself. They would be the exact same words that she would repeat at every significant milestone of my young adult life—while I hesitantly filled out college applications, my confidence faltering on the day of my debut as a CAT Platoon Leader, even as I reviewed for an applicant’s exam at the United Nations. I celebrated my various successes with her, since she was the driving force behind it all--my acceptance into two of the top universities in the country, a great year of high school CAT, tennis competitions, my college graduation, my published works and of course, the day that I passed the UN exam.

The very pillars of my determination and strength stem from this woman. She instilled in me a strong sense of independence and self-reliance; to move forward with life with a resolve so unyielding that I honestly believe I could end up anywhere I wanted in the world through my own hard work and determination.

As a child I would often spend school nights in her room, watching late night television and occasionally stealing glances at her, sitting with her back against the headboard, her focus unwavering as she filled page after page of her journal. An editor-in-chief in college, she passed on to me her passion to write, as I would remember holding onto a copy of the Scholastica opinion page at the young age of 7, not quite aware of the social issues apparent in her opinion columns, but proud nevertheless because I knew, by instinct perhaps, that they were significant.

She introduced me to poetry, explaining to me the magic of metaphors and ironies. My bedtime literature, through her guidance, consisted of passages written by poetry giants Elizabeth Barrett Browning and E.E. Cummings. By the time I was 10 I had already began dutifully chronicling the daily activities of my typical life as a fifth grader and experimenting with the 5-7-5 structure of haikus (both of which, again, were inspired by her). It is because of her that I have always been, and will always be, a writer.

Aside from being my mother, she is also my friend. My fondest memories of visiting New York year after year were, the simplest (and sometimes odd) things such as stalking tennis players on the grounds of the US Open, craving for ice cream or frozen yogurt on a chilly autumn day, heading to Central Park on a lazy Sunday morning with a copy of the New York Times and a container of fruit in tow, swapping stories about the discoveries I made during my aimless walks around the city and her busy day at the office, overeager trips to Ikea in Elizabeth….. General Chao Chicken, Shanghai Grill grilled pork chops, mushroom risotto…

Despite the times that we didn’t see eye to eye when it came to certain life decisions (especially mine), I knew, with the same certainty with which I regarded my life-long career as a writer, that I would always be her little baby, her only child, and that the challenges and successes of life would not be as fulfilling without her being an arms-length away for me to talk to or send a Facebook message to.

I live for every challenge that I continue to take on, knowing that somehow, I still make her proud by being the best that I can be in everything that I do.

Happy 25th birthday, Mom! With all your counting backwards over the years, we have now become the same age (hehe).

I love you.

Summer Updates

2009-06-12T22:30:00.003-05:00

I just remembered that I have a blog and even more shocking is that, dear goodness, it has been more than a month since I have made an entry. I don't know if I should be disapponted with myself or impressed that I actually seem to have a semblance of a life that I have no time to write. Either way, it seems surprising because I have never had such big gaps between entries til now.

So what have I been up?

I returned to my old office at the start of May after a temporary assignment doing something different for 5 months. I came back to the Capital Master Plan, my home base at the UN since August 2004 to help with relocation. It is a new job with bigger responsibilities that reverts me to an old pay which I cannot really call a demotion but financially, yes, it does create a crater.

Initially it was tough coming back because I loved what I was doing in the temporary assignment. I handled multiple responsibilities and it was a totally different industry (financial management) and there was so much to learn. And having a boyfriend who is in the same friend, suddenly we had something else in common. I call my adjustment to coming back "tough" because there was already that residual resentment that I was losing money to go back but also because it was frustrating catching up with what I had missed for 5 months and literally being on my own to catch up on the information and resources. The advantage was that the crew have literally remained the same so I knew who to come up to for information. There were still challenges of course and for about two weeks it felt like the world was going in fast forward and I was moving in slow motion. I was taking in current information which researching the background on it so that the exhaustive exercise left me only questioning the rationale behind this "great return".

A month and half later, I can say I am more confident as I walk into meetings and deal with our clients and interact with consultants. My days are a whirlwind of meetings, though and most evenings find me logging onto my Citrix mobile office to catch up with emails and reports that have deadlines. It is a life that the United Nations try not to encourage because I would like to think that the organization respects their staff members' personal time. But if I limited my life to a 9-to-5 schedule then I would have a lot of backlog. But that is also me being me. I love working and the dignity and respect that it brings. I may rant a lot sometimes when the stress gets overwhelming and it feels like the walls are caving in but I do love that I have a job I love.

My name is Mavic and yes, I am a Facebook addict.

I am not making work as an excuse for my absenteeism online. I am a regular on Facebook which seem to have replaced all my email accounts. Seriously, I get more relevant emails on my Facebook mailbox than any of my personal email accounts which usually supply my daily dose of junkmail. I think the only reason I keep my Blackberry is because I have Facebook there. I poke and email and post updates from the Blackberry more often than the computer. In between emails and during commutes, I am on my phone's Facebook, connecting with friends. And the funny thing about Facebook is that I have found so many friends from all over the world who I thought I have lost forever.

I have also become absorbed in a new hobby: photography. Last weekend, I finally sold my recently bought DSLR camera, a Canon XSi. I have posted it twice on craigslist and twice after agreeing with an interested buyer on the price I ended up not being able to make the meet-up and exchange because I was caught in meetings. My Phoenix-based photographer friend was in town to do an engagement shoot and introduced me to a friend who is just getting interested on an upgrade from a point and shoot and so I got cash for my glass.

I have rediscovered photography after being a point-and-shoot person for about 20 years. I did photography in college and shortly after, when I had a beautiful baby daughter. My daughter literally grew up with my film camera and she loved being photographed so much that as soon as she would see me holding my camera she would do a quick head tilt and give mommie a toothy smile. This was the age of film and I may have used hundreds of rolls on her. On special events like her birthdays and trips, I remember bringing about 4 to 5 rolls of film for developing.

I had a very trepidacious return to the new old hobby, concerned that I have forgotten the fundamentals. I attended many free photography trainings at New York City's ultimate photographer's heaven, B&H Photo and Video store. I met Scout Tufankjian, a Brooklyn based photographer who followed and captured great moments during President's election campaign. She was in the same panel as other women who have made a name for themselves in the field: Arlene Collins , Barbara Bordnick , Jill Enfield , Kate Engelbrecht , Michelle Bogre. I also met Paul Mobley who talked about portraiture and thereafter corresponded with him regarding recommendations on equipment. I guess I am lucky to be in a city where all of these resources are availble literally for free.

So like I said, I sold the entry-level camera and now I am looking into upgrading into another camera and being more educated with the different lenses I have an idea of my equipment set-up. I need to save for it though so I am currently without a camera (except for the Blackberry) for the first time in my life since I was 12. Yes, I got my first camera when I was 12 when I inherited my grandfather's trusty Minolta.

So what else...it is the summer, I have friends sifting in and out of New York City and so my social life has picked up. What about you, my dears, what have you been up to?

I leave you with more photographs from an excursion at the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens a few weeks ago.

Spring 2009: Slideshow

2009-04-30T23:08:00.000-05:00

Spring, as you can probably already tell, is my favorite season. That, despite the well, side effects (achoo!!!). But it is so much an analogy of how life is - a cycle of dying and life. After the frigid hybernated life int he winter, the world comes back to life in this season. It is sensory overload: the sun is brightly shining, the bursting of all hues and vibrancy of colours, the fresh smell in the air that is so uniquely ... spring.

I can't share with you all that makes this season a time when I wake everyday and say I love my life. I hope however that in a slide show you'd have a glipse of partially what I see: a perspective from my lens.

Spring: A new angle

2009-04-25T23:11:00.000-05:00

Spring along the East Coast of the continental US starts south and creeps slowly northwards. And so on the weekend before Holy Week, the man-friend and I met up in Washington DC for a stroll beneath the canopies of fluffy dreamy blooms of the cherry blossoms along the Tidal Basin. The air was still nippy and the wind made it no less cozier but sitting beneath the trees with a picnic basket feels as well as bidding goodbye to the long winter.

A month after the DC trip, New York City is starting to bloom as well. Last weekend in a walk at the park revealed cherry blossoms in their pre-bloom stage. Most of the trees were still covered in buds which I calculated would not be in peak stage until another to weeks. Still, warmer weekends bring people out and same with the cameras.

These days my walks are more about rehashing my photography skills with a new DSLR in tow. My Canon and I have now become inseparable and my weekends and travel plans are all worked around when to capture the best images. And as I get consults from the pros (Paul Mobley in New York and the very patient Jim Paredes via Facebook!), I am now resolved that my next purchase will be a new lens that will cost me a cool $1k and it will involve fewer wardrobe/shoes sales and probably skipping a few meals. I have never believed in lens envy until I stepped out one morning to shoot pictures at the Easter Bonnet Parade on 5th Avenue only to be surrounded by Canon cameras with lenses from the high-end L- line. I have learned to pinpoint them from a distance - the familiar white barrels of the zooms and the thick red ring circling the lens made me drool with envy. It almost made me scream: that gorgeous guy in the corner is my boyfriend and I will trade for an EF-24-105 F/4L IS!!!

My next photo shoot is going to be the Brooklyn Botanical when the flowers are in full bloom. Hopefully, in a few days:

Through my lens

2009-04-22T23:09:00.000-05:00

It is still about the pictures - me and my camera walking and enjoying the world in a new perspective. I am going through a refresher on my photography and have been lucky to access to free seminars in the city from great teachers and great photographers. I have learned a lot - stuff I think I took up in FOTOGRA back in De La Salle when I was young and stupid and did not pay attention so much. But now I am taking notes and experimenting. Aperture, speed and ISO are the main objects of my training.

I love landscapes and architecture and so I am learning to improve my angles and perpectives. I try my hand at macros but it doesn't interest me so much as the Paul Mobley forte - portraits. I became so obsessed that I literally scared my friends away after shooting them ala-paparazzo. I have ventured into some random shots only to discover that my camera settings were off after someone played around with my zoom lens.

Still while I shoot I have this voice that keeps reverberating in head, "find your own style, one that is your signature," that was a Mobley-ism. He taught us the rules and then encourage us to break the rules. "If you followed all the rules then you are just like everyone else," the voice comes to me in my sleep - haunting me.

I shoot my photos and try freeform, free-style. Friends have started to notice and I have shared a very few to a small circle of people. I am building up the confidence to shoot again. And hopefully soon, I will find my style.

Net Overload

2009-04-18T23:51:00.001-05:00

My computer screen is abuzz with activity. I am on board Tweetdeck which allows simultaneous updates of my Twitter account, including messages from friends, @replies and those sent in direct mail. To the extreme right side of the screen are my Facebook updates. I switch back to Safari and check out on the pictures uploaded by one of my friends...OMG, from college days. Egad ... those stupid years. But social network etiquette stops me on my heels from typing out a hasty nasty comment. i toggle privacy settings.. voila! No one else sees it, unless I comment on it. So I don't.

My pictures are being uploaded on two sites - Flickr and webshots. The albums have privacy levels. No one else sees them but I put them there for safekeeping while I clear the space in my harddrive. Some picture, it is worth is, I share with family and friends.

I get a pop-up. I have a new message on my other work email. I refresh and figure it is not worth hitting my head against the wall for. On another screen, I am updating my PHP (which is office speak for a formatted resume). I have an exit plan.

BUZZ...it is a message on my chat messenger.

But my Yahoo messenger and my MSN and my gmail are quiet. Oh, it is the buzz of my Blackberry messenger. Not my office Blackberry but my personal one. Technology is so cool...

Twitter race

2009-04-16T21:00:00.004-05:00

There is a race on Twitter between Ashton Kutcher and CNN.

Ashton started it by daring CNN's Larry King on who makes it to 1,000,000 friends first.

Race is neck and neck and the end is near.

Follow the race: http://tinyurl.com/ch6jt2

I followed both. I'm SWITZERLAND.

Because

2009-04-05T23:49:00.000-05:00

Most commercials that move me are about babies or old people. Images spinning 60 seconds meant to change or reinforce your opinion about a product or a service.

"You come to America. No one knows who you are or why you are here. But you know - this is where anyone from anywhere can become anything they want to be. You work hard and eventually you earn more valuable than money. You earn respect..."

It made me stop on my tracks. Powerful because so true to so many people who have come to this country with nothing but hope and determination to find a better life.

But funny that it is a car commercial - by Hyundai. As narrated, I think, by Kiefer Sutherland.

Cupcake!!!

2009-03-30T20:12:00.002-05:00

Lemom Sprinkles Cupcake, CRUMBS UES
Originally uploaded by MavicAuditor

I was in a Facebook debate with my friend Bianca about which store had the best cupcake. I have always been a Magnolia Bakery fan when it comes to melt-in-your-mouth cupcakes. I love their German Chocolate cupcakes to death that I diet the whole week just to have the chance to enjoy one or two in the weekend. She however insists that CRUMBS has the best selection. I haven't tried her favorite store, until last weekend.

I jogged with a friend through the park, in the light rain and found ourselves near the corner where a new CRUMBS bakery had just opened. We decided to have coffee and make up for what calories we may have burned in the run (LOL).

CRUMBS certainly had a bigger selection - trays upon trays of mouth watering cupcakes. I took about ten minutes before I made my choice - the Lemon Sprinkles Cupcake.

It was good - what my friend Yoyen would call moment-on-your-lips-lifetime-on-your-hips kind of indulgence.

The cupcake was good - the icing, which is the main attraction of this dessert was lemony tart and sweet at the same time. The cake itself was melt in your mouth.

The difference between Magnolia and Crumbs however is that has fewer selections but they are baked in the premises so you know it is fresh from the oven you get it. Crumbs feels like a Dunkin Donuts store - where everything have just hopped off the conveyor belt for mass consumption.

I am special and so must my highly indulgent vices. I take mine fresh baked and takes a bit of hardship to acquire. Because you see, there are only two Magnolia Bakery locations in the city - the original in Soho which was the haunt for the Sex and the City girls and the newly opened store on the Upper West Side.

But heck, when the urge comes, you can get I will walk the few blocks up to CRUMBS from my office to lick some creamy lushious icing off a cupcake. =)

Samut-sari*

2009-03-25T23:52:00.000-05:00

It is almost the end of March and this I presume will be my only entry. There goes my New Year resolution, a guarantee of 60 days is all I can commit to. I think it gets worse when I make promises. Then there is a sense of commitment to it, a sense of obligation and then I get resentful and then I rebel. Fantastic – scraping the bottom of the barrel, I find myself rebelling against myself. To blog.

So how has it been? We have stepped across the threshold to make it spring. It snowed. I brought my camera to take pictures but by the time I made it to work (I wanted to take pictures of the park across my office building) the snow had stopped and it did not stick. No winter wonderland. Camera and I came home disappointed.

I fractured my molar. Tooth Number 18th, to be more specific. I knew this day would come but I didn’t think it would so soon. I guess this is pay-off for maniacally chewing on ice every time I have an opportunity. Thereza has just recommended that I take iron supplements to minimize my odd habit which I thought was an old wive’s tale (not that she is THAT old). I researched it and lo and behold, yes, there is such a thing as pica or to be more specific in my case, ‘pagophagia’, which refers to craving and chewing ice which could be a symptom of iron deficiency anemia! (http://tinyurl.com/2xtay6)

No one knows why anemic people crave ice but wait, it could be a symptom of obsessive-compulsive disorder, stress or a developmental disorder. (sigh) Crap.

I have been busy at work and loving it in my new position. Nothing lasts forever of course and pretty soon I have to go back to where the constant feedback from a majority has been a general demoralization of staff due to abuse of ‘breastfeeding’ rights. Go figure. If could get away with working half a day to breastfeed, dang, I’d string my boyfriend along for happier lives!

OK, I have a German Chocolate cupcake from Magnolia waiting for me. Spring is here and warmer days mean I will be indoors less and less and less. I will have however, lots of pictures to share too! I have a new Canon xsi on hand I am still getting acquainted with. We are bonding and will soon understand each other. Soon. Ergo, I will post lots of pics in case I have nothing to say.

And oh, I just found a way to cheat. I am posting ahead of this entry the 25 Random Things I put up on my Facebook page… just in case you have no access to my Facebook.

Ciao everyone and I hope you have a sneeze-free spring!

*samut-sari in Tagalog means 'variety'

Random Things About Me

2009-03-22T23:05:00.001-05:00

1. What’s in a name? People who know me from way back call me Mavic, Mavs or Victoria. I am called Marivic only in New York.

2. At age 20, I was already a mom and a widow. (I wouldn't recommend it to anybody but if I lived my life over again I wouldn't change a thing because Nicole is the best thing that has ever happened to me.)

3. I DO NOT like James Bond regardless who plays him.

4. I used to drive in illegal quarter-mile drag races in Manila. And I had a license by the time I was 14.

5. I am very neat in an extremely obsessive kind of way that it drives some people nuts.

6. My internets addiction is not limited to Facebook. I also Twitter incessantly. And blog occasionally.

7. In my perfect world people recognize that Facebook has an Inbox and a Wall for obvious reasons.

8. I love to chew ice.

9. I do not ballroom dance. I also can’t sing karaoke (The “End of the World” incident in Iligan is proof of it)

10. I will always have a butterfly on my shoulder.

11. I will never turn down any kind of chocolate. Or a dare.

12. I have wanted to me an international beat journalist...until I was lured into the exciting 9-to-5 corporate world and never left.

13. We've always had a piano at home (until high school) but I never learned to play. And neither did any of my siblings.

14. I am a very private person (despite what you might presume of a blogger and a Tweep and a Facebook addict). And pretty. And glam =)

15. I do not like chain mail or emails and I do not think I can say anthing more without sounding like I am tooting my own horn (which I hate when I read other people’s Random 25 Things) or revealing stuff which I was hoping I could surprise my boyfriend with so I will do 15 and tag 15 people.

And I did.

The Ten Minute Ride

2009-02-28T22:57:00.001-05:00

I was stressed and I have only been out of my apartment on a beautiful Saturday afternoon for two hours. I grabbed the cab from the corner Broadway and 79th. It swerved from the west end of the before it stopped to pick me up. The driver is an ancient pale man with a smile who greeted me good afternoon as soon as I slammed the door.

“How are you today?” is a typical New Yorker greeting to strangers. Sometimes we mean it and often it is nothing but lip service. Today I wasn’t in the mood for banter – my head was still throbbing from a painful amateur psychoanalysis over lunch with my paranoid and neurotic relative.

He smiled and adjusted his rear view mirror and said “he could find it for me”. “I’m sorry?” I asked, not paying attention to what he had just said and to what he was responding to. For a moment I thought he was on his cellphone as most cab drivers are anyway. Then he repeated the directions I had just given him and to emphasize his point, noted again that he could take me there.

In my own paranoid way, I looked up to his driver identification and read that his name was Murray Jacobs. He was making small talk, I realized. He wanted to know if it was OK for me to have him cross the park at 86th and I told him I’d trust he would know the best way to take me to my destination.

And then he told me that he had been driving a cab for the past 49 years. That’s half a century I noted. He went on to say that he was just waiting for his gold watch, which he would get next year and then he was ready to turn it in. “Maybe sell the gold watch for a million dollars,” he chuckled. Yeah, right, I laughed.

In his many years behind the wheel he told me that he had seen and heard it all. Luckily, he has had relatively a safe career. He was held up once and one time the robbers took his cab, one that he owned. I sighed, realizing the downside of his career. But he laughs it off, stating that those he lost are all material and that he was grateful that he had survived both experiences unscathed. I liked his optimism. I liked that he confided that after so many years, he has learned to trust his ‘gut feel’ about people. The boys who took his cab, he said, he knew they were no good as soon as they stepped in but it was too late.

As I arrived at my destination, I wished him well and told him I hoped 50 more years of safe driving ahead. I also hoped he would stay safe.

“What I haven’t seen yet I will see today and what I haven’t heard yet, I will hear today!” he said as he handed me my change less my fare and his tip. As he sped away, he stuck his arm out to wave goodbye to me.

My afternoon was better.

100 Things to Do Before you Die

2009-02-07T23:05:00.001-05:00

I have unearth this entry from my Yahoo 360 profile, something I published in September 2005. I decided to re-publish on my blog with some updates. The remarks in red were from 2005 and those in blue are from 2009. Sure beats working on that 25 Random thing list.... =)

1. Attend at least one major sporting event: the Super Bowl, the Olympics, the U.S. Open.

2. ~~Throw a huge party and invite every one of your friends.~~

3. Swim with a dolphin.

4. Skydive. Gigi's forte... I have fear of heights.

5. ~~Have your portrait painted.~~

6. ~~Learn to speak a foreign language and make sure you use it.~~

7. Go skinny-dipping at midnight in the South of France.

8. Watch the launch of the space shuttle.

9. ~~Spend a whole day eating junk food without feeling guilty.~~

10. Be an extra in a film.

11. ~~Tell someone the story of your life, sparing no details.~~

12. Make love on a forest floor.

13. ~~Make love on a train.~~

14. Learn to rollerblade. – tried to learn but stopped just before I cut the blood supply in my friend’s arm

15. ~~Own a room with a view~~ – my bedroom at home in the Philippines had a fantastic sunset view of Manila Bay, my apartment in Manhattan faces a park… I didn’t own but certainly owned and enjoyed the view during my stay.

16. Brew your own beer.

17. ~~Learn how to take a compliment.~~

18. Buy a round-the-world air ticket and a rucksack, and run away.

19. Grow a beard and leave it for at least a month. Nah, this would be scary

20. Give your mother a dozen red roses and tell her you love her. – I try to buy my mom flowers not just on birthdays and special days; often just because and yes, I tell her and my dad I love them as often as I can.

21. Be a member of the audience in a TV show.

22. Put your name down to be a passenger on the first tourist shuttle to the moon.

23. ~~Send a message in a bottle.~~

24. Ride a camel into the desert.

25. ~~Get to know your neighbors.~~ I did this weekend when she took my laundry out of the machine without my permission. She’s not likely to forget me – EVER.

26. Plant a tree. – The avocado tree behind my parent’s house

27. ~~Learn not to say yes when you really mean no.~~ I say no but he knows I mean yes so I get it my way just the same…true love.

28. ~~Write a fan letter to your all-time favorite hero or heroine.~~

29. Visit the Senate and the House of Representatives to see how Congress really works.

30. Learn to ballroom dance properly. Scheduled for winter 2006. 2009 and still hoping I will try soon.

31. Eat jellied eels from a stall in London.

32. ~~Be the boss~~. Tech Pacific Philippines, Marketing Communications Manager 1998 - 2001

33. ~~Fall deeply in love -- helplessly and unconditionally.~~ ALWAYS. There is just no other way to do it.

34. Ride the Trans-Siberian Express across Asia.

35. Sit on a jury.

36. Write the novel you know you have inside you.

37. Go to Walden Pond and read Thoreau while drifting in a canoe.

38. ~~Stay out all night dancing and go to work the next day without having gone home (just once).~~ Oh, more than once – in Manila and in New York.

39. Drink beer at Oktoberfest in Munich.

40. ~~Be someone's mentor~~. I think I have – right, Jai?

41. Shower in a waterfall.

42. Ask for a raise.

43. ~~Learn to play a musical instrument with some degree of skill.~~ Guitar Hero count?

44. Teach someone illiterate to read.

45. Blow all your savings and take a flight on the Concorde. It is not flying anymore…

46. Spend a night in a haunted house -- by yourself. Ahhh…no way!

47. ~~Write down your personal mission statement, follow it, and revise it from time to time.~~ It is on a Post-It and pasted on my PC screen.

48. ~~See a lunar eclipse.~~

49. ~~Spend New Year's in an exotic location.~~ Home is suddenly exotic.

50. ~~Get passionate about a cause and spend time helping it, instead of just thinking about it.~~ Breast cancer research – ACS Breast Cancer Walk 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005 and 2006 Also 2007 and 2008.

51. Experience weightlessness.

52. ~~Sing a great song in front of an audience.~~ Song: The End of the World, Iligan City, March 1998 (Was a great song until I sang it)

53. ~~Ask someone you've only just met to go on a date.~~

54. Drive across America from coast to coast.

55. ~~Make a complete and utter fool of yourself.~~ ALWAYS =)

56. Own one very expensive but absolutely wonderful business suit.

57. ~~Write your will.~~

58. Sleep under the stars.

59. Take a ride on the highest roller coaster in the country.

60. ~~Learn how to complain effectively -- and do it!~~

61. Go wild in Rio during Carnival.

62. ~~Spend a whole day reading a great novel.~~ A lot of times, most recently, Marley and Me by John Grogan and before that, Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown

63. ~~Forgive your parents.~~ There had never been reason – my parents are the best in the world.

64. Learn to juggle with three balls.

65. Drive the Autobahn. Maybe this October? Maybe this year?

66. ~~Find a job you love.~~ I only do work that I love and that interests me – it’s my rule in life.

67. Spend Christmas on the beach drinking pina coladas.

68. Overcome your fear of failure.

69. Raft through the Grand Canyon.

70. Donate money and put your name on something: a college scholarship, a bench in the park.

71. Buy your own house and then spend time making it into exactly what you want.

72. Grow a garden.

73. Spend three months getting your body into optimum shape.

74. ~~Drive a convertible with the top down and music blaring~~. Autumn 2005, New York Palisades

75. Accept yourself for who you are. A work in progress. A work in progress.

76. ~~Learn to use a microphone and give a speech in public.~~

77. Scuba dive off Australia's Great Barrier Reef.

78. Go up in a hot-air balloon.

79. ~~Attend one really huge rock concert.~~ Summer, 2003 – Dave Matthews Band in Central Park

80. ~~Kiss someone you've just met on a blind date.~~

81. Be able to handle: your tax forms, Jehovah's Witnesses, your banker, telephone solicitors.

82. ~~Give to a charity anonymously.~~

83. Lose more money than you can afford at roulette in Vegas.

84. Let someone feed you peeled, seedless grapes.

85. Kiss the Blarney stone and develop the gift of gab.

86. Fart in a crowded space. Watch out…soon enough…

87. ~~Make love on the kitchen floor~~.

88. Go deep sea fishing and eat your catch.

89. ~~Create your own web site.~~ www.geocities.com/victoria0918 and mavic.blogspot.com

90. Visit the Holy Land. Planned for Spring 2007, Tel Aviv & Jerusalem Still on the drawing board….

91. Make yourself spend a half-day at a concentration camp and swear never to forget.

92. Run to the top of the Statue of Liberty. Security wouldn’t allow me

93. ~~Create your Family Tree.~~ Did this for my daughter when she was born…needs updating though. I have set up the foundations for our family tree at Geni.com and relatives have expanded it.

94. Catch a ball in the stands of a major league baseball stadium.

95. Make a hole-in-one.

96. ~~Ski a double-black diamond run.~~ Snowboard counts???

97. Learn to bartend.

98. Run a marathon.

99. ~~Look into your child's eyes, see yourself, and smile~~

100. Reflect on your greatest weakness, and realize how it is your greatest strength. A work in progress

The Reinvention of Me

2009-02-01T23:06:00.000-05:00

Ten years ago if you have asked me if I could imagine myself working and living in New York and I’d tell you - unlikely. A life away from the love and comfort of family? What would I do for work? A life without the maids and the other help I've grown accustomed to? No way.

Well, now - yes way.

On January 27, 2002 I left the life I knew in Manila and gambled on a single chip which has taken me to Los Angeles and then finally to Manhattan. The journey has been long - tough initially and definitely riddled with many hesitations along the way. For every hurdle I’d ask myself if this was worth the trouble. It is tougher when you have already built a career in your previous life and you have the comfort and love of family to look back to. I kept asking myself if this was the right decision. But I did cross the threshold and when I stepped away I pursued my new life with unequaled enthusiasm.

And yes, I did have start from zero. I had gone from managerial to clerical and then worked my way up the work hierarchy again. I thought what I was doing for work in Manila was all that I could be good at. Instead, I discovered that I could also be other things. I educated myself to become familiar with my new assignments and reinvented myself many times over – or each time I changed jobs within the organization. And I’ve never had so fun in my whole life!

And sometimes all it takes is a small step away from the comfort zone.

25 Random Things

2009-01-29T23:47:00.001-05:00

Three friends sent me the chain for 25 Random Things. I've contemplated about it and what I might list down and distribute publicly. I've read their stuff and much as I respect their taste for such form of self-expression, it is not my piece of cake. In the same way I throw praises to my friend Jill who so far has come up with the best list. Actually, I was thinking it my list couldn't come second to hers then it just wasn't doing at all.

However I have a list! After watching Matt Lauer on Conan O'Brien's show (DVR'd from sometime this week...).

Top 5 men who looked better after age 40:

5. Brad Pitt
4. George Clooney
3. George Clooney
2. Lauer, of course
1. Georgie boy (Clooney, who else!)

Whatever.... LOL

Never Hard of Loving

2009-01-21T23:51:00.001-05:00

The city is in winter mode. The beautiful pristine snow is great when you watch it from a window - snowflakes dancing in the wind veiling everything in white. But up close it is icy and slippery. The arctic winds cam burn your skin and make your eyes tear. You have to bundle up in layers and when you get anywhere indoors you are breaking out in sweat because the heaters are set in sauna temps. Then the snow melts and there is slush everywhere and you have no decent looking pair of leather boots that doesn't have a smear of sodium chloride (or any other salt variation) stain on it.

No wonder everyone is all set to escape the winter in the northeast. Myself included.

"I'm glad I left New York," someone IM'd me a few days ago and I did not know how to respond. True, winter can be a pain but I have never thought about making THAT a reason to leave my most favorite city in the world. A self-confessed Manhattan-centrist, I have always believed that despite and inspite of what makes New York City what it is, there is still so much to love about it.

The public transportation system that will take you anywhere and everywhere at the cost of a Metrocard; the fresh markets at Union Square and other locations that provide fresh fruits, vegs and flowers no matter what the weather; Central Park - beautiful in any weather; $1 dollar books at Strand and other bookstores; $5 hotdog meals at Grey's Papaya; that fruits you can get from the vendor at the streetcorner is fresher and cheaper than what you can get from the grocers; that you can sit in some random pizza place and realize that you are sitting next to some writer/actor/singer/model/politician; that our mayor rides the subways to go to work every day.

And talk about fancy restaurants. Althouogh those network chefs serve their wares here, next to the more preferred local favorites that have been around for many generations. Do people still remember Katz's and the Second Avenue Deli that is no longer on 2nd Avenue?

This city is friendly to the wallet to those who know how to get the good deals. There is TKTS for cheap Broadway shows, matinee movies before lunchtime that charge half the full ticket, year-round pre-fixed meals from high end restaurants, museums that charge "what you can", and then of course there are the many different parades color the city year round.

Winter is a tough time, as it is spring for the pollen sensitive and summer is for those who do not enjoy the humidity. Autumn is a tough time for me because I've always thought of the falling leaves and the dying trees quite a melancholy sight. True, there are times when loving New York is a tough call but this is and will always be the city where I come home to. It is the city that after a long travel, when I look out the window and see the skyscapers from my window seat, makes my heart skip a beat. This is the New York which I love - the same New York that is the city that I share with more than a million others, most of who may feel the same as I do.

written on: 11 January 2009, New York City

This Thing called FACEBOOK

2009-01-16T23:48:00.001-05:00

My name is Victoria and I am an addict.

A Facebook addict, that is. I have it on my Blackberry and check now to make sure I am able to update my status when something witty comes to mind (I do not really update based on what I am doing - that would be voluntary virtual stalking, or something like that). I'd also want to see what my friends's updates are and if anyone emails me, then I'd like to be able to read and reply even when I am not in front of the PC. I can take pictures ont he Blackberry and upload it ASAP. I love browsing pictures of their holidays, parties or new babies. With some friends, it is just fun to upload ages old photographs to share and laugh together about it one more time.

The one thing I haven't done with Facebook yet: change my status to state if I am in a relationship and with who. I have seen it over and over again - when a split up eventually happens, the status is changed and then you have to deal with not just coping with the emotional turmoil but having to have people write nonesensical stuff on your wall about what is now an immensely public break-up in the dimensions of Britney and whats-his-face. Not only that - there are pictures of your previously happy times on your albums, he is most likely one your friends so - do you unfriend each other? Ahhh, too complicated. M. has added me and I have yet to confirm. I choose not to venture into a Facebok relationship.

One more thing I do not do is share all my pictures to the world. There is a feature in your friend's lists that allows you to assign each friend to a category. I have groups of my work friends, divided on which division we worked together. I have a Family category for pictures strictly visible to those who I probably have nothing else to hide. This way, each friends-group category has sole access to extremely embarrasing karaoke parties or endless daily soirees to the Irish bars in another. Most important of all I have a Limited profile where I only allow access to my status updates and some Facebook features. These I restrict to those who I have become friends with through Twitter or other social networks but with whom I have not really develop any semblance of a real friendship.

Lately, I have become more cautious about what I put up on Facebook. So although it is fun, I treat Facebook as a big party - you have to dress up and behave your best. You mingle with your friends, leave messages as you come and go, share some pictures as though you carry a bragbook. But you will not divulge too much that would eventually embarass you or your family or anyone else.

I love Facebook and it loves me back. I love having all my friends coraled in a single web location and that we can exchange pictures, stories, videos and emails in one log-on location.

So when I invite you to a Facebook party, why not log on and see what is going on. Usually, the music is suited to your taste and the fun is addictive.

written on: 5 January 2009, New York City

The Changing Face of UES

2009-01-10T23:16:00.000-05:00

Somehow I forgot to bring my book this morning. And so from the bus to and from work, I had the chance to see the changes in and around the neighborhood. Apart from what had been obvious before the holidays - places to shop closing down, I have never realized that there had been so much changes in the span of 2 months since Nicole returned to Manila. Tthe noodle house on 3rd and 88this no more. Circuit City on 86th has closed as part of the bankruptcy filing of the company. A series of stores along Second Avenue on 86th have also been bordered up: Cold Stone Creamery, Gothic Cabinets, Go Sushi. The Laytner's Store on 86th has clearance sale and so does Pier 1 on Third Ave, making me wonder if they are also on the way to closing down.

The only good news: the new high rise residential building on 86th and Lexington will house a new branch of H&M which will open in Spring 2009.

A sign of the times? Sadly, all financial forecasts state that things will not go on the uptrend until the end of the year and still, many businesses may not be able to sustain lack-luster operations til then. And the repercussion of the negative crisis in the USA and Europe won't affect Asia's manufacturing income until the middle of the year when businesses start reducing order volumes due for fall/winter 2009 (spring and summer orders have already been placed by September 2008 when the Wall Street sh*t hit the fan).

A grim forecast for 2009 but you have to be familiar with the old adage: hope for the best but expect the worst.

Twilight Series : Ending Spoiler

2009-01-07T21:42:00.000-05:00

The last books I’ve read were the vampire series penned by Stephenie Meyer. It was my friend Renee who introduced me to the book when she offered me the first book, noting that it wouldn’t be my usual reading list but it was easy reading and that she enjoyed it. And that was how I got inducted into the lives of Bella Swan and her unusual love affair with Edward Cullen. I read the series of four books as though it was a single book and though did not find myself as consistently impressed as I was with the Harry Potter series, I leafed through each page eagerly to follow their adventures. By the time I reached the end of the fourth and final book (for now), I found myself at a lost. There was a vacuum in my bus ride routine. I missed Edward and Bella and even their creepy spawn Renesmee. I wouldn’t say they were great works of art but the books were, as Renee had said, simple reads. It did not require reflection which I think now and then was a good objective for a good read. Entertaining. Not necessarily educational or informative. Nothing I read I didn’t know already from previous Anne Rice reads but I found the affinity between Bella and the werewolves, specifically Jacob a bit hogwash. That Jacob would eventually be THAT close and protective towards Renesmee though was immensely disturbing on all levels.

So in case you haven’t read the Twilight series yet and have been contemplating about it, then I guess this entry is a major ending spoiler. But you ought have known that already when you read the title =).

Note: Image from www.nymag.com

New Year's Day 2008

2009-01-02T00:31:00.000-05:00

I guess you can say it was a bit cold today =)

Out with the old; In with the New! YAY!

2009-01-01T00:01:00.001-05:00

Oh cool! A New Year's Day entry! =) No great fete with Blogger's write-now-publish-later-feature! *wink*

I don't think there is ever a time when people have eagerly looked forward to shed an old year. Whew! So many close calls and I know of some people who were right in the eye of the Wall Street maelstrom. But not everything was horrible about 2008. Always preferring to see the glass as half full, I look back to 2008 with much gratitude to:

The four months I got to spend with Nicole when she came to visit NY. We lazed at the park, tested restaurants, shopped, laughed at SNL political skits with Palin, cooked and watched a lot of movies!
Met some important people who will somehow stay a while to comfort me in my alone-ness and listen to my rantings.
A new work assignment, albeit temporary that teaches me a lot of new skills, has allowed me to meet a lot of great new people.
A bunch of great friends who have been around for a long time and who have become my family away from the love of my own family.
And most of all, the great health of my parents who find joy and laughter in everything that they come across in life - the people who taught me how to see the world in its half full perspective.

And then of course, there were the inevitable negatives that brought temporary sadness or some permanent loss. Bullet points that would not find itself on an a blog entry but would create a vacuum in my heart and my life.

But we all move on - as life is the journey that doesn't stop for anyone. I'm grateful and hopeful for 2009 and there is so much to look forward to: a new US president who seems more able and capable than his predecessor, a trip to Europe being planned for the summer and the company of a new love who will journey with my in my many adventures planned for the next few months.

Happy New Year to all!

Possibilities

2008-12-26T17:27:00.001-05:00

There is quote by Dag Hammarksjold, late United Nations Secretary-General that I have written on a post-it and stuck on my desk where I can see it every day:

"Never measure the height of a mountain, until you have reached the top. Then you will see how low it was."

It will serve as my mantra for 2009.

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-23T21:44:00.000-05:00

Christmas to me starts on Thanksgiving Day when I dutifully take out the Christmas cards, review and update my address book and then start writing my messages. On a regular year, these cards would be sent out just before I leave for my flight to Manila. This year, when I opted out of a long holiday trip, the timelines are more relaxed.

And as Christmas day comes closer, the social calendar gets busy. Holiday parties at work, dinner dates with friends and friends of friends - people who become my family away from my own.

Funny how this year I thought I had everything and everyone covered but this week I still ended up doing some frantic last minute shopping, mostly for kids. There were a lot of great deals, though which makes me worry that these stores would have now way of surviving if this early they are selling off their wares at less than 50% off - rates you'd often see in January. K-B Toys is closing, my favorite noodle house on 88th is closed and there will be fewer Circuit City stores without the one on 86th. These are the signs of the times and it is worrying. But with the Charlie Brown Christmas soundtrack playing in the ipod stuck to my ears, I finished all gift-giving endeavors and sat down to cheerfully wrap everything with the expertise I learned from watching the staff at Rustan's and Shoemart in Manila.

On Christmas Day I will host lunch and I have finalized my menu : roasted cornish hens will be my main dish (mini turkeys?!?). We will also be hosting post-Christmas dinner on Friday night at my friend's house in NJ but to minimize the stress, we are ordering the whole meal for that one.

I am excited about this Christmas. I have the fresh fragrant tree in my apartment lit up in bright colors and giving me my worst asthma attack in my lifetime (who else can be allergic to Christmas trees???). There was snow for a while but my hopes of a white Christmas was just shot down by the forecast of rain on the 25th. And most of all, I am excited about kicking back and just relaxing and taking things easy. No stress, no drama.

I wish you all a very very Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year in 2009, from my family in the Philippines and myself, with all our love.

2008-12-21T20:27:00.000-05:00

Today was Day 1 of Winter 2008. Since two days before, on Friday we've had four inches of snow in the city which eventually turns to slush and ice in some areas where it doesn't melt soon enough. The good side is that it feels Christmasy - the trees are dusted with white and add the effects of the crisp chill in the air, and the ambiance created by the shop windows, the carols that are sung everywhere and the cheerfulness and joy that seem to radiate from everyone.

I am hoping for a white Christmas which I have been told is very rare. Regardless, with snow or without, I am looking forward to next week where I will host drinks and dinner with friends and lunch with some family members. My apartment is decked for the holidays and I have gifts under the tree that is giving me some nasty allergies.

A New York Christmas for me is as rare as a white Christmas maybe but perhaps this year I will have both, if the spirit of Christmas will make dreams come true.

Oh Christmas Tree...

2008-12-09T21:30:00.003-05:00

On Sunday morning while the arctic winds blew across the tri-state with much gusto unseen before, I stood with in the middle of a farm in New Jersey to pick out my Christmas tree. And before me they stood - rows and rows of Douglases, Balsams, Nobles, Grands and Canaan firs. And then the spruces. After much comparing (about a half hour of mental technical evaluation) I set my mind on getting a Norway spruce. And then settled on a Colorado blue spruce because I liked the green-gray color (not really blue I think). But then I liked the denseness of the foliage of the Douglas fir and compared to the other trees we saw, it didn't have the 'bald spots'. But then I stood there and couldn't make up my mind and for the meantime, my companion was now grumpy because he noted he has started to grow a beard while I was making up my mind.

Two hours later, both hungry we decided that this was a decision that couldn't be rushed (and then he rolls his eyes). Maybe, I debated, for the same price I could get an artifical tree instead and be more earth friendly. Earth-friendly, my friend debated, did not apply to the use of plastic trees. I reiterated however that my choice did not involve the death of a real tree and that my artificial tree could actually resurrect for the many future Christmases ahead. Not necessarily in my apartment though since I was more like imagining of putting it in storage (and future use) at my office.

And so we took a break to clear my mind and to warm our tummies. Over bowls of nice steamy Chinese noodle soups, we deliberated once more which tree would suit my apartment most. I wanted a tall slim one so that it wouldn't take much floor space. I wanted at least a 7-foot tall tree because I had 12-foot high ceilings.

"Your qualifications sound more like a boyfriend checklist rather than a tree", he was shaking his head. I paused and re-examined the brief of my requirements: tall, slim, full foliage with no bald spots, a nice fragrant smell, and most important - longetivity, that it would last through New Year's eve 2009.

=)

Pictures (left): parts of the garland that decorates the entrance to my apartment. Yes, I am decorating in blue and white theme this year. And those are snowflakes!!!

Dashing through the snow

2008-12-07T09:28:00.000-05:00

The first snowfall of 2008 found me finishing off my Christmas shopping and yes, 3 weeks before D-day, I am done (fingers crossed). With the financial crunch I have resolved to change my gift giving strategy. And a lot of people will also be getting Christmas cards this year and a lot of warm kind wishes. The boxes of Papyrus Christmas cards are now out and waiting to be addressed, stamped and sent off.

I am not making any long travel this season although plans are in the offing to spend the stretch from Christmas to New Year's in New Hampshire and then to have some tropical sun. I am also insisting on hosting Christmas dinner at home in my apartment, though, something I have not done in a while. Yes, the masochist in me cannot wait to draw up the menu and then to work the stove and the oven to come up with a wonderful meal. Of course there is nothing more satisfying than consuming my delicious meal with friends and great wine.

It is wintry and Christmas is in the air. The carols are played everywhere you go in the city and shop windows are again so beautiful. Of course, tourists in the city have multipled in numbers so that pedestrian traffic in the high tourist areas are almost impossible - reason I stay away from them.

Excited, and definitely looking forward to a white Christmas. I ouldn't even mind a blizzard on Christmas! LOL

Gratitude

2008-11-24T19:40:00.000-05:00

Thanksgiving week. A time in the calendar when regardless if you have the turkey or understand the history of the American holiday, it a moment to pause to give gratitude for the blessings for the year passed.

Looking back and at the same time joyfully looking forward to what is to come, it has been not just good but quite great. Today I started with my new job assignment (albeit temporary). A job in a new very different industry which will challenge me to learn a lot of new things, meet a lot of new people and to provide that much needed break from what I have been doing for more than the past four years.

There is so much nudging from a dear friend to study - anything, he insists, just pursue something to development myself. And I gave in in a big way... but I think eventually I will be overwhelmed with my upcoming French classes at the UN starting in January (I did Spanish for 3 semesters then gave up...let's see how far I will do with French). I am pushing myself to go back to school in the Spring 2009 schoolyear. I am also reviewing for a crucial internal exam at the UN which will mark great developments for my career.

And then there are the friends that make up my family in New York who provide me with moral support and unconditional love. I am grateful that my parents are in good health and whose love and understanding are boundless. I am grateful for the four months that Nicole kept me company when she came to stay in New York - a rare chance to catch up on the many years we were apart. I am grateful in general for family that keep me grounded and who make making the most out of my life worth it.

I am grateful for the loves of my life who accept me for all that I am - in the bad and in the good, in the best and the worst of times. The loves who do not draw curtains when we decide that things did not work the way we wished it would.

And then there are many more to list but they know who they are.

Gratitude that I feel should not only extend to people but to the many experiences I had to go through the past months that has helped shape the kind of person that I am now and in the years ahead of me. I am grateful that even at this stage in my life I have come to be less stubborn about the rules of life and that I have come to believe that every single FINAL decision I may have made in the past I can still change. Simply because that is life.

I hope you also pause to give gratitude to life. Happy Thanksgiving all!

Lost

2008-11-05T22:15:00.000-05:00

My friend Erin and his other BFF (me being the other one - or I will stir rat poison into his blueberry parfait) did this video as their entry to Coldplay's Lost contest. The child wonder in the starring role is Erin and Jill's adorable son Edison who seriously thinks he is The Hulk.

I am posting it for your viewing pleasure but if you have a youtube account and would like yo view the other entries in the contest then you can go to : http://www.youtube.com/user/ColdplayTV

Or you can also view it directly from Coldplay's website: http://www.coldplay.com/newsdetail.php?id=189

From the Mailbox

2008-10-21T22:08:00.001-05:00

Now and then from my mailbox an email jumps on me with a surprise. Yesterday, it was from someone I've never met but with whom I've communicated with through emails and who I got to know through her own blog.

She has shared her thoughts on my blog entry about love and hoping and wanting to be 'the chosen one'. And though she didn't know me personally, she said she'd pray that I would finally find 'Mr. Right". It was dated 5 November 2005. Yes, I do keep all my emails with exception of the spam.

Yesterday, her email sounded more contemplative. She shared with me that she has been diagnosed recently with Stage 2 Invasive Ductal Carcinoma, a form of breast cancer which begins in the breast milk ducts. The other kind of breast cancer is called lobular which originates from the glands that produces the milk (Source: The Mayo Clinic )

Her type of breast cancer is the more common type, which affects more than 70 percent of all breast cancers. She told me that she had a lumpectomy and had to go through radiation, chemotherapy, of course, continuous medication. This despite confirmation that her lymph nodes were clear because her kind of cancer is very aggressive.

Zarah is based in Los Angeles. She is married and has two very young sons. Through this very tough times, she has the love of her men to keep her optimistic for the future. She has blog but she hasn't updated much recently so maybe with your urging she might choose to share her stories, too. Her blog, Thoughts on Parade provides us a glimpse on the life of a woman who writes about her life no more different from our lives. She talks about her loves, her sorrows, she shares her past and her hopes and her dreams. In many ways, she is us.

Tough times that call for a lot of moral support - meaningful even from strangers. It calls for prayers, lots and lots of prayers, thoughtful emails to wish her well and just simple gestures to let her know she is not alone.

Her email: zarah_dizon@yahoo.com.

The Pink Ribbon Day

2008-10-21T19:07:00.002-05:00

Every year, one Sunday in October I walk 5 miles for breast cancer research. It is a cause I believe in. Why, I've been asked many times specifically breast cancer? My answer: I would support the research for cure for all kinds of cancer having lost so many loved ones to the disease but in choosing one I would concentrate my efforts on, I have chosen breast cancer because.. yes, I love my girls. They are firm, rounded with nice deep cleavage despite only being a 'B' cup and most of all, they are all naturally mine. BUT I will go further in describing them for another entry.

Ask any woman and they will mostly tell you that their breasts are their most loved part of their body - albeit it be small, mid-sized or humungous. We start to grow them when we stop being children and start our journey toward womanhood. As mothers, our body changes to accommodate the new life growing inside of us and then the breasts starts to produce nourishment for the baby. And there is nothing else on earth - natural or man-made that can equal the nourishment that the mother's breast milk gives to the young baby.

I have chosen to pour my efforts into breast cancer research and the funding for the improvement of the quality of life for cancer patients. It doesn't mean I care for the cause to cure other kinds of cancer less. I do and more than that, I wish I could find enough resources as well to research and find a cure for epilepsy as well and for many kinds of bad addictions that diminishes a person's self control over their own body. If I had enough resources I'd go out there and put money into improving the well-being of poverty stricken children who lack the basic needs of life. I'f I had the resources I'd build shelters for the children who become victims of families that are broken by drug addiction and criminality and of abuse.

But because I only have enough to get by on my own (and sometimes yes, not even enough for that), I believe that the little things that I can do mean a lot because if I can spread this passion to everyone lucky enough to have a little bit then all our little efforts put together makes for a lot.

So I made $250 in donations this year - online and in checks. Friends sent amounts ranging from $50 to $10 which are but a drop in the ocean of funds required for beating the battle for breast cancer research but together, in my name we have a bucket's worth.

This is my way of giving back the gratitude for all the blessings that I receive. This year it is to be grateful for another bill of good health for myself and my family, a job that I truly love and for great and loyal friends who are there when I need them. For all of these and all of them, I will proudly wear my pink ribbon every chance I get.

A Birthday Gift

2008-10-12T18:10:00.001-05:00

I was digging through old files for my school records. As expected, when you begin such an exercise you are bound to re-discover some old treasures. I did. Like old hand-made cards and lots of notes and letters One that struck me as most touching was a poem from my sister. On 17 October in 1998, her birthday, she wrote poems to everyone in the family (Nicole reminded me). For me she wrote:

For thirty one years
I've watched your every step.
Wondering how you stood your ground,
When I could have only wept.

You thought you were in my shadow,
That's what once you've said.
And I've questioned ever since,
how you couldn't see the truth instead.

If you look back then you'd see,
It has aways been your shadow,
where else would I want to be?

The words became familiar. The love, so much more.

Happy birthday to you, sis!

Bono is in the House

2008-09-25T19:28:00.000-05:00

My friend Erin is almost making a joke so you never know when to believe him. So this afternoon when he sent me an IM message that read:
"Bono...here...now" I didn't know what to think. Of course, I knew Bono was in HQ for a series of meetings and discussions for the UN Millenium Development Goals. So I got up walked to his desk but he wasn't there.

I heard the raucous outside our offices however, where the auditorium was and true enough, the U2 lead singer was standing there with Sir Bob Geldof just mingling with the gathering crowd.

Much as I was star struck, I had the presence of mind to run fast as a lightning rod back to my desk to grab my camera (which I just happened to have with me, I wonder why...) and then rushed back to take pictures. Everyone who saw me dashing from point to point flashing questioning glances behind me but knew well enough that if I am in an excited mood such as that then there is something going on.

Yes, it was a 'beautiful day'....

Wedding of the Century

2008-09-25T19:10:00.001-05:00

My beautiful friend Paola got married last weekend in upstate New York. The weather was perfect - the sun was out and yet the air was crisp with an autumn feel.

The ceremony was held on the garden which was dotted with topiaries of pink, red gerbera daisies. In the background was the Hudson River, reflecting the afternoon sun in the final weekend of the summer. In the distance a speedboat and some jet skies rippled the otherwise calm waters but far enough so that their raucous did not disturb the solemnity of the wedding ceremony. Even as a lengthy freight train snaked through the edges of the mountain on the other side of the river.

After the ceremony there was an open bar with various tapas to allow the guests to mingle and congratulate the newly weds and then just as the sun began to set, tiki torches guided everyone to the wedding tent where there was a lot of dancing, feasting, drinking and just a lot of good time.

The newlyweds honeymooned after in Fiji and will be back in NY after 3 weeks.

Congratulations Paola and John!

Blogging on the Emmy's

2008-09-21T20:51:00.000-05:00

I wanted Piven to win and yes of course, he did. And he has a Broadways show??? Let me google...OK, he's doing Mamet's Speed-the-Plow. I have no idea what the show will be about but what comes to mind is Sex in the City's Smith dropping his pants on stage.

Groban just did a medley of TV show themes. Impressive. I loved South Park most.

Kirk Ellis just won as best director for John Adams TV movie and just as he was speaking about 'men who can articulate in full sentences..." or something like that obviously geared toward something political and it was cut.

Outstanding reality show...don't tell me American Idol will win. Gag gag gag.....OK, Amazing Race won. No, I do not watch that. Some friends I know do but not as dedicatedly/devotedly as "Lost"....I wonder why they bring the whole show emsamble on stage. Limited speech time... not everyone will be able to speak.

Sally Field. Oh I like her in "Brothers and Sisters". I hope she wins again....she's presenting Outstanding Mini-Series. John Adams wins again... well they have 23 nominations so they will win some more =) Tom Hanks receives the trophy from Sally Fields and they take a slice from "Forrest Gump". As expected, Hanks also hints on something political... yeah, he's for Obama.

The commercials are terrible... I wish I can fast forward but I am watching real-time. So I am swtching between surfing the net and watching. Sort of catching up on Facebook updates and then realizing I haven't read any of my friends' blogs for a while.

Thereza just updated about driving into the city tomorrow with the GA. Heck, I'm not even thinking about how to deal with my morning. Savoring the Sunday night of alone-ness.

Outstanding lead actor in a series... I'm hoping for Kevin Spacey in Recount...Giamatti wins for Paul Adams...as expected. Agreeing with him that in America (or the Philippines for that matter) anyone can be President.

Candice Bergen present best lead actor in a comedy series. Lee Pace for Pulshing Daisies is my vote. Oh well, Alec Balwin wins....he doesn't make a political punch.

Ugly Betty presents best actress in a mini series. Make it Sally Field....I really like her. And the show...but Glenn Close wins.. I'm jinxing even the Emmys dammit. She goes on and on even when the cue for her to wrap up.

Still thinking about what to wear to work tomorrow.

In memoriam...

Seeing Keifer Sutherland after a year's absence. Did I miss "24"? Hmmm... I guess when you get used to being without it then it doesn't matter. Sadly.

Brooke Shields and Ferguson. "Hand on my ass respecting" lands flat.

Lead acctress in comedy series....my vote is for Tina Fey. Yesss....she wins. I didn't jinx that one. I was also hoping for Applegate.

Jimmy Kimmel is presenting outstanding host for a reality show. I'm anti-reality show so no care. So Survivor host won. I guess he wanted voted out =)

Now finally will see the news. I just realize I missed the last game of the Yankees at the old stadium. And guess what... I also did ot tape it. Dammit.

Realized I might also miss out Entourage episode so bye Emmy's...

Another evening by myself....

One Fine Day

2008-09-18T22:00:00.001-05:00

I remember almost being 7 years old and counting down the nights before my birthday with building excitement. So how did it get to that kind of a birthday to spending it just like any other day? Well, I have to get the donuts for the office (which started with a just a dozen four years and now 4 dozen to feed ALMOST everyone). My birthday still feels like a milestone but more with a grunt and a sigh kind (argh…older…) that is neither celebratory nor troubling nor even amusing.

But do not get me wrong. This is a great age to be in. I have a life of my own that I truly love – the independence and the satisfaction of tackling and resolving my own problems, and most of all, the freedom to have finally gotten to know me and coming to terms with loving me as I am - inspite and despite of myself.

So now I am no longer the little lost girl I've always been but definitely not yet the woman who has reached her destination. Yet it doesn’t mean I can’t squeal in delight when I am happy, sob uncontrollably when I am sad or throw a fit when I am angry. Emotions can be reined but as myself, I remain the person who wears her heart on her sleeve. I subscribe to doing things unconventionally and according to what I have learned from the school called life. I eat what I want but try harder to reach for the stuff that are good for me but yes, I allow myself to indulge once in a while because life is too short to be rigid about anything. I have stopped being too tough with myself – I take things as they come and shrug when things go wrong. It is what it is and if it doesn’t kill me, it’ll build up as part of an experience. And yes, it is a definite statement that I do not like vegetables. I'm grateful that I am not dependent on any artificial means to be normal, to sleep, be happy or to stay calm. My only vice remain to be shoes, clothes, bags and scarves (too vain?). I love that at this moment, I cherish my life as it is – in all its simplicity and spontaneity yet without its complications.

Birthdays come every year and sometimes way too quickly, too. As a child, birthdays to me meant parties, balloons, gifts and new dresses. I can get my share of parties, balloons, gifts and new dresses any day so the significance of my birthdays have been diminished to milestones. And yet, like all milestone they are circled on the calendar and have to be acknowledged by a pause for gratitude of another year gone and the hope for another year ahead that would be filled with similarly joyous and remarkable moments. Just another day, indeed but one that I wouldn’t want to miss.

In 1998 while we traveled back home from spending three weeks touring the continental US, we flew out of New York on 17th September and was scheduled to arrive Manila on 19th September. It was the only time in my life I skipped a birthday if you can call it that.

Happy birthday to me c",)

US Open Day 10

2008-09-05T21:15:00.001-05:00

Day 10 of the US Open started really hot. We sat under the sun, smeared heavily with sunscreen and peering beneath the shadows of our wide brim hats. Th sun in the final days of summer was persistent! Through the day I think I wished for snow more than once. Seriously too much sun for a day!

But the games were exciting, starting with the women's singles quarterfinal game between Italian Flavia Penetta and Russian Dinara Safina. Later in the afternoon was the major duel in the men's singles quarterfinals was between Andy Murray of the UK and Juan Martin del Potro of Argentina. Between five sets of games, we were able to check out the practice courts and watched like typical fans while Roger Federer and the night session's main attraction - Mardy Fish and Rafael Nadal swing their best. And still, there was enough time to return to the Murray-delPotro game to catch the final set where the British won over the underdog favorite.

While the players took breaks betweem sets, dance music filled the Arthur Ashe stadium which was meant to keep the crowd entertained. While many danced and waved to te beat, a great many other had a purpose in mind - to attract the cameras that roamed the crowds for images to flash on the two huge jumbo screens that flank the stadium. A sample view below:

Aug08._0802.AVI

It was an extended play. The night sessions were scheduled to start at 7:00 PM. But the morning sessions did not end until about 8:30 PM. As the daytime crowd exited the stadium, the crowd that gathered waited eagerly for their chance to watch their own showdowns. The Williams sisters took the first round of the evening followed Nadal and Fish, which incidentally did not finish until 2:00 AM the next day - about the time I was deep into dreamland.

There is one thing about tennis and well, just about any sport when you bring it to New York. We are able to transform them all to Yankee game-alikes. Compared to Wimbledon where the crowds obey the whistle that signals the audience to quiet down, New Yorkers cheer, jeer and boo or clap thier hearts out for their sports heroes. And we always find someone to cheer for: either the New Yorker to give him the boost of home-court advantage or the underdog. Yes, in some cases they come in without a particular favorite player and just decide when they get there. And yes, they are very very loud. Too loud that they have irked the kinds of Serbian Novak Djakovic who in turn raised the irked of the local audience for not being 'sport'. Oh well, welcome to New York! =)

Aug08._0802.AVI

Fire Island

2008-08-31T20:05:00.002-05:00

On the final weekend of the summer, we tried to pack as much into the day's agenda as possible.... a sure sign of separation anxiety. The US open tickets are bought for next week but it seems it just isn't complete until Labor Day weekend brings us to the beach.

Of course the beaches in New York are nothing at all like the beaches of the Philippines where I grew up. For one thing, even in the peak of the summer, the water is definitely not tropical. It is cold to my standards when on the average in the summer is 60 to 68 degrees. And it is "bring your own shade" as there are no coconut trees or picnic huts to provide relief from the summer sun. And so many people who join the exodus to the beaches take with them beach umbrellas and other paraphernalia (beach seats, beach towels or blankets to sit on, frizzbee, dog, cat, kids...list goes on).

I've adapted very well to th is style of summer living. For one thing, I can confidently walk on the beach without fear of stepping on dog poo because it is just not an acceptable kind of behavior to let dogs run loose as though they are in the wild. Or as though you bought the beach shore yesterday. There are likewise no fears that I'd step on broken glass because people are considerate to clean up when they leave. Unless you go to New Jersey beaches (news article here) there is absolutely little chance you will encounter hazardous waste - medical, industrial or anything similar.

And the fun thing about it all - going to one of the best beach shores on the eastern seaboard involved no driving. We hopped on the Long Island train, hopped onto a waiting cab and then transfered to a ferry and then is whisked away from the urban chaos. The peace and tranquility was great for the day - watching a docile deer wandering into the clearing of a meandering boardwalk was probably the highlight of our day though. Or maybe it was just sitting on the sand and listening to the lapping of the waves against the shores. Or maybe it was the sum of all of it all.

It was a beautiful day.

Hope and Change

2008-08-29T18:33:00.001-05:00

Four years ago, I briefly blogged about this political newcomer that had the "the charisma of JFK and the eloquence of Bill Clinton" (blog entry here). Last night he went on stage in Denver to accept the nomination of the Democratic Party. His speech was awe inspiring. I was captivated and was moved by its simplicity. It is the blueprint of a new America. A new road map to bring the country back to glory. It is about hope and about change.

"Change happens -- change happens because the American people demand it, because they rise up and insist on new ideas and new leadership, a new politics for a new time."

I look back to my country and remember how many times we have demanded change. And hoped endlessly for the salvation of good leadership. We have yearned for a miracle of the gift of a selfless public servant who will work for the country and its people and not personal enrichment. As a people, Filipinos have not been indolent. We have worked hard to bring back democracy and to bring our economy back on the right track. But we have been cursed with a breed of politicians who lack decency.

I realize that hope is not an endless resource. In a country that had worked hard and hoped so much for change, when hopelessness prevails the people just give up and walk away. In my case and some others that I know... we have walked far - very far away.

And still from far away we hope for change.

At the US Open

2008-08-28T21:01:00.000-05:00

We spent much of last Sunday watching the stellar tennis celebrities practise at Flushing Meadows. It has been a while since I've watched or played any tennis. So bad that the only players I really know are was able to ID in the chaos was James Blake (tall, dark, gorgeous) and Rafa Nadal (Tall, dark and Spanish). But the logic we decided to maintain was to keep shooting pics of the players and then just identify them later when we start to follow the tournament games on TV. True enough, Nicole's tennis friends pretty much knew everyone.

Nicole has uploaded many of the pictures in her new collaborative blog, En Route (is it called a CLOG?). I have some videos to share. Have fun!

The playful fountains at Flushing Meadows

Rafael Nadal practicing.

I have great pics of James Blake uploaded on my Facebook account. Aren't you on Facebook yet???

Vacation???

2008-08-27T19:43:00.000-05:00

I'm suppose to be on vacation. Seriously. Instead I am checking emails, receiving phone calls and my Blackberry is abuzz with activity. And so in between enjoying the last few days of the summer, I am also catching up with work.

This is what technology does to you - it keeps you connected. Sometimes to the things you'd really prefer to be disconnected.

Sorry... I needed to rant.

A Movie at the Park

2008-08-19T20:16:00.001-05:00

On Monday, 18 August, it seemed like the whole population of the city converged in Bryant Park to see a movie. The movie was the last of the HBO Summer Film Festival series, the 1978 blockbuster Superman which introduced to the world the dashing Christopher Reeve. And so it was the afternoon when my friend noted, 10 billion people filled the park.

Our friend Jill and Erin organized the little picnic/park hang out to share with us their son's favorite movie. Two year old Edison was perfectly outfitted with his Superman costume when we arrived after work. They had come to the park as early as 2PM to secure our little prime spot in the middle of midtown. Incidentally, so did most everyone else who shared in our momentary piece of real estate.

While Edison made friends with the whole neighborhood, the adults feasted on cheese, crackers, burritos and for dessert, Jill's homemade peanut butter chocolate brownies - yummy and sinful. All around us, the catering service everywhere varied from boxes of pizza to chips and dips and even the more suburban bucket of KFC. Some sipped wine and beer while a majority simply clung to the satisfaction of a sip of bottled water. Others, like the big group who had sat a few yards from us consumed so much pot it literally filled the air with the acrid smell, generously sharing it with us in the form of second hand smoke. No wonder everyone was in a subdued, peaceful and 'happy' mood.

As the sun set the movie started. People were cheering and clapping for the memorable scenes and when the villains made their appearance they were promptly booed. Edison's eyes lit up gleefully when his favorite scenes came on. He stayed up through the film despite the film running way past his bedtime.

Halfway through the movie, the screen went dim and there was a brief 5 minutes before the movie resumed. In the intermission, people stood up to stretch their legs and booed the interruption. Others used the break to call their friends stranded outside of the lawn to encourage them to find their way into the crowds. It was amazing how crowded it was - people were literally sitting shoulder to shoulder and yet the mood was very convivial, as though each knew each other somehow and this is what, for me, makes New York so New York.

To entertain Edison during the apparent engineering malfunction, Edison's dad Erin decided to throw and hold him up into the air - costume, cape and all. The crowd quickly reacted to the substitute caped hero in their midst and playfully began cheering and clapping. Random flashes of cameras everywhere pierced through the semi-darkness and a party spirit surrounded us. Edison was oblivious to all that was going on around him but the joy of being bounced high in the air by his dad certainly echoed in his laughter. Meanwhile, everyone continued to clap and cheer and the mood was lively. It was the perfect intermission entertainment for the crowd which eventually quietly settled again when the movie resumed on the big screen.

It was a great evening that was so uniquely and endemic to New York. It is also probably the closest we can get to the more suburban drive-in movie. We all had a grand time and by the time we joined the masses in the exodus out of the park, the experience was priceless. A truly memorable part of summer in this beautiful city.

Calorie Counting

2008-08-13T23:04:00.000-05:00

With Nicole staying with me, the meals at home take a whole new perspective. My health nut of a child grazes on salads with lean dressings and warns me about anything unhealthy that I may intend to devour. She watches what she eats as obsessively as I make sure everything around me is tidy, organized and sanitized. While I enjoy cooking the meals most times, last night she ventured into her first cooking adventure. With very little supervision she whipped up a very good version of linguine with Alfredo sauce. It was delish!!!

We both have the same little guilty pleasure from a single food group which is top on our own pyramid - ice cream. Regardless how carefully we have picked out our food from our lunch or dinner menu it only takes one to invite and we can never turn each other down. We love them all - all flavors of pinkberry with any topping, tasti-d-lite with candy sprinkles or with choco chips, Ben and Jerry's variety of flavors (although I will kill for the Cherry Garcia), the gelatos at little Italy or Grom's or the concoctions at Stone Creamy.

So what do you think we do on an evening when we are both bored, munching on leftovers for dinner because we are too lazy to cook and not hungry enough to be motivated to order in? We scan McDonald's menu for their nutritional information. This, after Nicole have read in the New York Magazine that some of them actually cheat on what they publish in terms of calories.

This is wickedly devastating and eye-opening to the avid drive-in fanatic out there:

McDonalds:

Deluxe Breakfast (Large Size Biscuit) w/o Syrup & Margarine 15.3 oz (434 g)
Calories 1150
Sodium: 2260
Chicken McNuggets® (10 piece) 5.6 oz (159 g)
Calories 460
Sodium 1000
Chicken Selects® Premium Breast Strips (5 pc) 7.7 oz (219 g)
Calories 660
Sodium 1680

OMIGOSH!!!! Although I've never had it (because breakfast for me is Gatorade and dry Honeynut Cheerios) a Deluxe Breakfast from McDonald's would comprise my FULL caloric daily requirement and waaaay more than the daily sodium I need for a week!!!!

What about you? What are you putting into your mouth????

Dragonfly

2008-08-10T20:52:00.002-05:00

"........tutubi, tutubi...

....wag kang pahuli .... sa batang makulit....."

Yeah I changed it a bit to suit my purpose.

Who said makulit ako?

My Alibi

2008-07-28T20:34:00.000-05:00

The summer.

That's my alibi for no new posts since ... oh, I don't know when. I've lost count. I could go back to my website and check... but that's too much work.

It's the summer. People take it easy. Everything goes slow. Slower than when it is cold. Unless you're a bear then you get waaay slower in the winter. But unless you have dealt with New York City in the summer then you don't know what and why in God's great name people NEED to slow down when you're baking in a heat index of 99 degrees.

Nicole is also here and so I am rediscovering motherhood. I enjoy meeting up with her at the end of the day and listening to her ideas and her plans and taking in her insights. I'm amazed at this wonderful child I have brought to earth and yet who has grown up to become her own true person. Yes, so totally different from me - thank God!

We roam the city a lot, enjoy the sights, relax at the park and really try to watch as many movies as we can. It is really a lot fun having her around these days. Well, the fact that I don't need to change her nappies anymore every now and then makes it much much better. =)

Kristina is also here, spending two weeks in New York and so we have been going out on shopping sprees almost daily. We chat about stuff that girls chat about - the boys, relationships, life and the gossip that make it all spicy.

There are also a lot of stuff that goes on day to day - follow me on twitter to discover. And then there is God's gift to humankind - Facebook. Facebook connects me to all my friends. To all those I value as friends. We share videos, pictures, poke each other on a daily basis ... or every hour, share really funny YouTube videos we discover while we are at work (during lunch breaks...if I may add but you will not believe me anyway). I may write on your wall today and say something really nasty or make a funny comment on your update or upload and then I can be quiet again for another two months. But you know we are connected... it says so on the lower left hand side of the Facebook main page. So if you're my friend and you're still not in my Facebook then add me. That way you don't have to wait for the very rare days when I have ABSOLUTELY nothing and that updating my blog is the only thing I can do and YET..the blabber is all nonsense.

Enjoy the rest of your summer all... pretty soon it's tall boots and sweater season again!

Facebook Addiction

2008-07-22T21:58:00.000-05:00

This evening the new Facebook layout came out and much as I enjoyed working out all the tabs and re-organizing the whole page/s, it was freakin' insane that seems no one else were able to view their new layout version. Not Nicole who was sitting across from me at home.

So what is the criteria for whose profiles get the new layout first?

I don't really care... am just enjoying mine - hehehe!

Has yours updated?

Have you added me to your friends?

The Coming

2008-07-07T22:00:00.001-05:00

I'm baaack! The over protective mom, that is. Nicole is now en route to New York and I've called her three times already in the last two hours prior to boarding in Manila. Nope, this is not her first time to travel alone. She has in fact been traveling abroad alone since she was 16 years old. But I cannot help it, mommie me just tends to take over whenever she comes to within a certain radius.

I've been urging her to meet people her age when she comes. That way she doesn't have to hang out so much with me and yet she insists she just wants to be on her own - to rest her mind, she says again. Work had been stressful the past year when she had been juggling the work ideally for two or even three people. She's on vacation and yet she will be doing some work on her company's website. She complains but I know she enjoys what she does. Well, welcome to the world of the working class!

The next few weeks it'll be pretty crowded in my Manhattan apartment but in a nice way. Now I'd not even mind if she decides to stay just a tad longer than planned.

Can't wait to be Nicole's mommie again =)

The Pride Parade 2008

2008-07-01T18:28:00.001-05:00

My Sundays are often sedate. Last Sunday though it was insane with the Euro Cup 08 Finals between Spain and Germany (which Spain won 1-0) and then there was the Pride Parade that marched along Fifth Avenue. Having spent Saturday in New Jersey, we got into the city late in the morning and decided to wait in front of the New York Public Library.

I was the first in my spot under the shade and isolated from the passing pedestrians by newspaper boxes and so it was peaceful for a while. And then just as the parade was moving down 42nd Street, a Chinese girl slid beside me and decided to play Ms. Congeniality of the Pride Parade 2008. She was waving to everyone as though she knew then from last night. I wouldn't have been annoyed by her perkiness except that for about 60% of my pictures the image of a finger, her hand or her whole arm were caught into my frame. As I was zooming to shoot a photo of Mayor Michael Bloomberg and Governor Patterson, she began to jump up and down screaming at the top of her lungs: Michael! Michael! Yes, it was very very annoying.

One hour after the parade started, I had another man standing behind me with a camera with realy long lens. And since he was a short rude man, he positioned his camera right behind my ears and had hit the side of my head several times when he was taking his shots. Having had enough of the madness and with the rain clouds now rolling down, I decided to leave. It was timely as half an hour later it seemed the heavens just broke open and released a dam of water onto the city.

I have no idea how the parade managed with the deluge but there was a moment at Kinsale bar while sipping my mojito when I wondered what if I had stayed behind to see and maybe photograph how the rain would have souped up an otherwise joyful annual party on Manhattan streets. But then I would have missed Spain's winning goal on the 33rd minute of the game.

Then I conclude that everything just has a reason... =)

Virtual Birth Control

2008-06-30T23:10:00.001-05:00

I have this new little guilty pleasure - TV shows that assures me that I have made the right decision to raise just one child. And grateful - totally grateful that I started parenthood at the age I did (oh, I wouldn't advise it to anyone else though!). Now that she is 23, in what seems to be selective amnesia, all I remember are the rosy wonderful memories of her childhood. Watching TV these days therefore and being quite entertained by the day to day travails of a family with two sets of multiples (Jon and Kate Plus Eight) and the adventures of the British Super Nanny I guess the fun comes from the realization I have survived the toughest (yet most rewarding) times of motherhood.

I would TiVo the episodes of Jon and Kate and when I can't sleep, would play one or two episodes until whatever was keeping me awake I would forget. The two year old sextuplets are just adorable - six little people already with their own personalities. Sometimes the camera catches little moments that I, the attentive viewer would catch - any one of the siblings helping Aaden with his eyeglasses after a nap. Or her a how when a little squabble they would hug and tell each other "I love you". It's how siblings are naturally, I guess. They'd kill each other but they cannot love anyone else in the world as much as they feel for each other. Siblings, my mom would describe us, are "a piece of each other".

Supernanny and another show, however, The Baby Borrowers are what I call virtual birth control. British Nanny Jo Frost is the child whisperer. She comes to the rescue of family who are plagued by extremely difficult children. Sometimes I find myself horrified that the children the show features are acting as themselves and I am relieved that I have the option never to go through that possible route in life again. Some kids would yell and be disrespectful, be suffering from computer or video addiction or are just not used to recognizing the authority of a parent. In most cases you realize that problem children are the products of poor parenting more than anything else. Inconsistency seems to be the most common culprit and so Super Nanny has to intervene and to stop the parents from rescuing their children when they are being accountable for their actions.

Admittedly I have never seen an episode of The Baby Borrowers but the concept is to borrow small kids for teenaged couples who think they are "grown up enough" to start a family and to put them to the test. It is a very interesting concept but I will have to put a report on it on another entry. Otherwise I'd just be bluffling.

Jon and Kate Gosselin and their brood are on TLC, The Supernanny is on NBC and The Baby Borrowers is on NBC. Watch one or all and I assure you that it'll make you reach for safety precautions next time you are romping between the sheets! =)

My New York Summer

2008-06-25T23:37:00.001-05:00

I love summer. But not as much as how I love New York in the summer.

The Hudson River is a parade of sailboats and ferries, kayaks and jet skis. Central Park’s sheep meadow transforms into a giant sun worshiping haven with sparsely clad city denizens sprawled on its vastness. The baseball diamonds, the basketball and tennis courts and the playgrounds are bursting with activity. Riverside Park is filled with skaters, runners and bikers and it seems the city is once more so alive.

I love that Sundays mean passing by the Gourmet Garage to get some baguettes and boursin cheese, a bottle of water and some juice and then heading for Central Park with the Times and a picnic blanket where the rest of the day would most likely be spent. I love that the street fairs become a regular weekend jaunt and the best way to figure out where they are camped is to see where traffic is snarled. I love that the fashion statement is beautiful with summer eyelet dresses, sleeveless blouses, flirty light skirts and shoulder-baring halters. I love that it is a city that lavishes everyone with compliments on the way they look, the dress they wear or the color of their polish. I love that everyone in the city during the summer has a smile on their face.

I love that I can wear my shades again – ALL of them. I love that I can wear lip gloss and get away without lipstick during the daytime because well, lipstick is just too heavy for summer.

I love that all my weekends are filled with activities all through September but especially in July when Nicole will be coming to visit. I love that every weekend I will stuff my face with the hamburgers and hotdogs and ribs that my friends will grill on the barbeque and that every time at the end of the day I will feel guilty because I know I’ve just gained 1,000 pounds. And then by the time we say goodbye we are excitedly making plans on who will bring the margaritas next week.

I love that there is daylight until 9PM and that it just encourages for more to get accomplished - strolls, shopping, movies, and just simply hanging out on the bench at the pocket park at Tudor City during lunch time.

And when the heat and humidity builds up, I love that I can come home to my micro-apartment of a home and chill in front of a humming air conditioning unit. And that later in the evening, as if nature’s way of balancing things out, with the roll of thunder and a flash of lightning, the city will be drenched in a summer storm to clean out all the built up remnants of our festivities and then by morning, all will be perfect again.

Yes, I love that New York is perfect despite all its faults. It is perfect.

Forza Azzurri!!!!!

2008-06-21T15:11:00.001-05:00

Hellllo summer! (atbp)

2008-06-21T12:44:00.005-05:00

Helllo summer!

Read that in the same purring tone as Carrie Bradshaw was cooing to a pair of Blahniks from the display window.

Today is the first full day of summer 2008. Two weeks ago, though we already went through our first heat wave which by definition is more than 3 days of temperatures above 90 degrees. I was not ruffled. Note that I come from the land of the eternal heat wave – the islands of the Philippines. I have mastered the art of staying cool in the hottest and most humid of days – a bottle of almost slushy frozen Gatorade AM. Hey, did you hear what the American Dental Association (ADA) has said about sports drinks and tooth decay? What they did not say in the study though was that these kids that were in the study are not as obsessive as I am about brushing my teeth. I brush my teeth so often and so thoroughly that my dentist has changed my toothbrush to soft bristles and has ordered me to keep it down to at most six times a day. Don’t ask how often I REALLY brush.

My landlord has sent my lease renewal early this month. Year and after year at about this time I contact my friends to contact their real estate friends because I always think that I am ready to stop paying rent and to buy my own place. Woohoo! Imagine me: getting my own mortgage, paying for home insurance, doing my own plumbing and all that grown up stuff. But year after year I would see one condo or coop unit after another and even some houses, I always end up unconvinced. Much as it is very tempting to live in a space that is more than 500 sq. ft., to have a real garden, maybe even a terrace where I can host my own barbeques in the summer I always end up sending back my landlord my lease renewal. A long-term commitment in just another form – that is truly overwhelming.

And the biggest reason of all, of course, is that none of the real estate options that I can afford is within the island of Manhattan. Though I’m sure there would be one or two apartments within New York, NY that is within my bank-approved budget, the value per square foot is not the same. In the end, it is a choice of buying a 650 sq ft one bedroom in the city versus a 1,200 sq ft in Hoboken, New Jersey. Trust me, nothing brings me joy than writing New York, NY on my address line. And so I mailed my lease renewal yesterday. I have a lease for another two years.

What I did instead was refurnish my apartment again. I posted on craigslist my sofa, my dining table and immediately sold them. I am still contemplating about the desk. Like Carrie Bradshaw in ‘Sex and the City’ I do believe that the desk brings luck. So far this desk I’ve owned for six years have brought me a lot of inspiration in my writing – not just my blog but some other personal and unpublished stuff. Maybe this one I will keep.

While searching for new furniture I feel in love with a luxurious mocha microsuede sectional sofa with chaise from The Door Furniture. After taking down the measurements, I came home and measured out space in the apartment and realized it would fit. I of course had intended to consolidate sitting and dining purpose with a big sectional unit. The decision however was vetoed by an interior designer friend. I was convinced to settle for something smaller and more suitable to the dimensions of my apartment. That is why I’m home today on a perfect summer Saturday afternoon – I am waiting for my new furniture to be delivered.

Two months ago the ex-boyfriend brought me two orchid plants. No real occasion but I think he mentioned he was giving me another chance to green my thumb after I instantly killed a pot of orchids he bought me last year. Well, proudly, the two orchids have survived and though most of the flowers have dropped, seems there is a promise there somewhere.

Pigeon Holes

2008-05-28T19:38:00.001-05:00

Oftentimes, living in New York City feels like this, roughly a pigeon house.

To say that New York City apartments are small is an overstated understatement. My own apartment is my little pigeon hole. Regardless, it has been home for so long that I cannot imagine being anywhere else. It is the antithesis of how I have lived since childhood. My parent’s house is so big that whenever relatives or very close friends from abroad came home they often roomed and boarded with us.

There are four units per floor in my building and it is five stories high. Most of the occupants are either single or couples. I think. I hardly see anyone of them anyway. They are young with the mean age probably being in the mid-30s and I know most by face except for a few with whom I may have exchanged some pleasantries once in a while.

The guy who lives on the ground floor is a serial dater and I know that he loves to cook for his lady loves and that he owns a motorcycle. He has posted several times on the common bulletin board an appeal to those living upstairs not to throw their cigarette butts onto his garden. I am assuming he is obsessive neurotic. He seems quite nice though so I wonder why he has never settled down. Oh yes, this is New York. No one settles.

Next door to me is a Japanese girl who has very heavy footsteps despite her diminutive size. On my first year in the apartment, my boyfriend surprised me with my first fresh Christmas tree – the fresh fir smell, bright ornaments, blinking lights and shedding needles included. It was a thoughtful gift but when I was leaving for my yearly holiday home, I knocked on her door and asked her is she was interested to take over ownership. She was joyful and together we dragged the whole tree to her apartment. It became all hers to enjoy, and then eventually to clear the post-holiday carcass and all the way down two flights of steps.

I know she had a boyfriend for a while and often spent night with him in his apartment. She’d come home, walk around the apartment a lot in her heels and then leave around 10PM. Lately, I’ve noticed she has been staying in and would even leave in the morning about the same time I am. I guess they’ve split up.

A few months ago my boyfriend got to know the lady who lives upstairs from me. She had let him into the building when he still did not have a key to my apartment and realizing he would need to wait for me outside on the corridor (he assumed I was out with friends), offered him access to the fire escape stairs from her window. When I saw her in the laundry area in the basement a few days ago, she asked me about him and casually mentioned that she hardly sees him in the building anymore (eh, he has his own flat). The protocol on how to deal with nosy neighbors is diplomacy; usually because you never know when you might need them eventually. On knowing this, my man's ego is of course feeling 9 feet tall. I have made sure he has keys though.

Across the hall every morning I’d hear the woman talking on the phone in Hebrew so I know she is Jewish. Next door to her is a Latino man who has just moved in, very quiet who came with just a suitcase and is just slowly furnishing. Upstairs in one of the apartments is another bachelor – tall and dapper. The rest are just faces.

I think it is plain luck that with such a tight living condition, my neighbors are people who are respectful and courteous. We are a peaceful bunch and whoever tries to change that eventually move out sooner than later. It is a nice place to hang your hat at the end of the day. Albeit a small one. But no, these characters that share the same address as I (except for the door number) are not my family. We are just land here to peck and nap.

Ready, Set, Summer!

2008-05-25T09:30:00.003-05:00

It was not a really bad winter season but like the tropical girl that I am, I am just glad that we have reached that mark in the calendar that unofficially says we are almost in summer mode.

The beaches in the New York - New Jersey coasts are open, the exodus to the Hamptons has resumed and yes, the sailors are roaming the streets of the city again - it is Memorial Day weekend!

It is a three-day weekend and I have promised to tune out of the internet for the length of it. A promise I had not been very good at keeping since although the puter had been offline for a while, my Blackberry is pretty much connected to what matters to me - emails and Facebook, included. =)

I have spent the first days of the weekend in the city, enjoying the mild weather and mingling last night with a batch of vacationing friends of friends. It is of course a welcome break from the intensity and insanity of work from which I have fulfilled my promise to completely disconnect.

Tonight I fly out of the city for three days of genuine beach vacation and will be back hopefully by Wednesday evening - if complicated flights eventually work. Til then I have lined up some stories to upload at timed intervals (yes, it is a new Blogger feature!!! woopee!!!).

Til then, enjoy the promise of the summer and better days.

(Pictures are from my Cape May album at Flickr)

My Life in a Vacuum, The Next Blogs

2008-05-16T23:55:00.002-05:00

It has happened. Someone has finally come forward to hit me on back of my head to make me realize that my blog entries have become BLAH. A fact I have already come to know, of course.

“….what the f*** happened to your writing style? You used to be able to express your rants and raves so well it dragged your reader to the flow of your emotions. …” he wrote.

True. So what happened? I guess with the realization that a lot of people now go back to my blog to see what is going on in my life I have become more self-conscious. I have never really intended to make my blog a newsletter of my love life or the eventual lack thereof. Neither do I feel comfortable having people close to me read my thoughts and realize what is going on with my relationships with friends or family or even the romantic type. These are many things that of course I have hoped I can share through my blog because I can verbally compose them very well. Yet I try to be sensitive to those who can be directly affected by such entries. I’m sure eventually people will come to be more conscious when they are around me because they know I will blog about it. Trust me, I try to scare my first dates with warnings that “I will write about this on my blog tomorrow….” and it is a guarantee that they will label me as that “psychotic chick”. Always behind my back, of course, because I tend to never see them again =)

“….a good blogger must live in a vacuum….” Al3x have twittered.

I agree. The best blog entries are those that can put ink onto paper as thoughts flow. Unfortunately, my life is not a vacuum. Being Filipino, I come from a people that tend to be very onion skinned about criticisms or unsolicited advise. Friends and friends of friends do visit my blog occasionally. Sigh, same with my family and even at this age, I do subscribe to a certain level of approval from them because yes, that is what we do because it is in our culture.

So fine, I will try to be less conscious of what I write and try not to self-sensor myself so much. That is as much as I can promise. Let's try to make it more interesting then....

With that, I hope you stick with me for some of the next few entries that will bring you back onto reflections of my life and what goes around me. And yes, part of making it interesting is dragging some of you into it.

I hope you continue to keep me informed about how you feel my next few entries are measuring up. And I’m a big girl, I can take the best criticisms.

What I Did Last Weekend

2008-04-30T23:08:00.005-05:00

And so I decided to take four days away from work to "just breathe". No vacation plans, no out-of-town trips but just to have some time to step back and perhaps become a bit more introspective. My boyfriend also says it is a chance to recoup the value of my flat’s rent by staying in it.

What I learned in keeping myself company with myself (and some few odd hours with the boy-toy):

1. I love cereal. Without milk. I take Cheerios with me in a small ziplock bag everywhere - while watching a DVD of “The Kingdom” or to take to “Sarah Marshall” so I wouldn’t get tempted to get popcorn. On Saturday I found myself snacking on the tiny circle puffs while watching my man attempt to kill himself in his sport. Incidentally, I realized that every other toddler watching their dads from their strollers also had a bag of cheerios to nibble on. Fantastic, I have new peers.

2. I have a very short attention span when it comes to TV shows. Colbert Report works for me because it has segments like Sesame Street. Those series marathons I used to enjoy? Only when I watch them with someone I guess.

3. I get distracted easily and can be VERY obsessive. On Friday night I emptied out the kitchen shelves to get it organized. About the same time I also emptied out the living room shelves to rearrange the books. For the length of the weekend, we had books, magazines, files, DVDs, condiments, vases, and picture frames on the floor. Well, the bright side of it - I can now say I have actually read MOST of my travel magazines and I have shredded files older than 2 years. And yes, my pictures in boxes are now chronologically arranged and I have refilled the bottles in the spice rack which is now alphabetized. Ditto with the DVDs and CDs.

4. I get cabin fever when I am in the apartment longer than 4 hours (except at night to sleep). I can’t sit stay indoors the whole day just watching TV or reading magazines – I get nauseous.

5. I am a lousy spring cleaner. I also emptied out my closet with the objective of purging any part of my wardrobe that has been around longer than 3 years. I did come up with a few paper bags that went to Goodwill but most of my favorites (some of which I haven’t worn for a while for various reasons) still ended up back in their hangers and their old spot in the closet.

6. I will die if the world’s internets ceased. Although I disconnected my modem to make sure I would not compulsively check work email for the length of the long weekend, whenever my blackberry vibrated and blinked, I was on it. My adorable little Blackberry has my Facebook, Yahoo Go!, my MSN messenger and yep, Google. And though it has internet access work mail is not compatible with my phone’s software and neither is work email forwarded to my personal email.

7. That left to my own boredom I can come up with a lot of lists, most of which now seem mundane. I keep them stuck on the fridge door though, just in case their logic comes back to me. One though, I decided to post online for your entertainment :)

When the pope came to town

2008-04-20T06:14:00.001-05:00

So the pope is in town. He came to the UN and spoke to the staff urging them that there will be a spot in heaven for them for the work they do. I did not go because nothing turns me into an insane mad woman than two hours wait on a security line.

I received a lot of pictures from those who went though. And even if I have a ticket for the mass at Yankee stadium today, I am apt to stay away still. Not for any anti-pope sentiments or anything but I just don't want to spend half my whole weekend at the stadium when I can comfortably see it in HD at home.

Regardless my detachment to the papal excitement though, it feels like there is no place in Manhattan you can go without bumping into his entourage. On my way home Friday, a motorcade of black limos flanked by NYPD big bikers crossed as my path as they were leaving Park East Synagogue.

I saw the pope and I think he even waved at me.

Sent via my BlackBerry

Hosting Dinner, Manhattan Style

2008-04-09T23:28:00.001-05:00

A friend told me Friday night that he missed how we used to host friends at my tiny apartment for dinner. I agreed. Good, he replied and informed me that we were hosting dinner at my apartment the following night.

He wasn't kidding. Matter of fact, he had already gotten into my freshdirect account and arranged to get some groceries delivered to my apartment Saturday morning. He smiled and reported that as soon as I was done with my coffee, we were off to pick up a couple of bottles of wine and even offered to go with me to Chinatown the next day where he knew I bought most of my vegetables, seafood and fruits.

It wasn't really a frenzy of activities. Mostly about making sure everything everything arrived on time and that the apartment was tidied up to welcome company.

By 8 o'clock Saturday night four of his friends and us sat around my dining table sipping wine, nibbling on cheese and tapas while exchanging stories about travels and babies and friendships. Dinner was a cheat - freshdirect's rack of lamb was heavenly plus a side of my very own tossed salad with mandarin oranges and walnuts. And of course for dessert, my signature fresh figs cooked in port wine and syrup and then topped with vanilla ice cream which his friends said was to die for. And yes, it is my very own recipe.

It was an evening of laughter and catching up with each other's lives. Maybe some gossiping too, of those who weren't in attendance. Afterwards, we ended the night with some Guitar Hero competition. No karaoke this time.

Instant dinner, long-time friends. Perfect weekend.

The Return of Strappy Sandals

2008-04-06T14:48:00.002-05:00

It is finally spring in the city. Or shall I say, it is spring again.

After a while life's rituals are simply matched and marked by the coming and goings of the seasons. When the climate hovers over milder temperatures and when flowers burst in colors in Central Park, when there are tiny promises of green on trees, soon to sprout and to fill the avenues with foliage again then you just know that nature has made a curtain call to the harsh frigid winds and a welcome to the return of life and all that it symbolizes.

Routines mark each transition of the passing seasons. Last weekend I began to deliver my coats and sweaters to the drycleaners prior to packing it away. I took inventory of my spring skirts and blouses and light cardigans. And then there are my favorite slingbacks and strappy heels and the joy that I will once more show off my pedicured toes. Bright red toes. Pinks, peaches, yellows, greens and cream will mark my wardrobe this season.

I think this is what I like most about living in the East Coast. You have greater appreciation for the first time you take out last year's skin baring sandals in mild weather but cherish the chance to show off tall heely leather boots again when the mercury drops or those comfy flip flops when the summer comes around. The old becomes new again. The rituals become a cycle but one that you look forward to - the tulip bulbs sitting on my window now, the barbeques in the summer, the dreamy walks amidst falling leaves in the autumn and the joy of playing out on a blizzard in the winter.

Life is what you make it, I have come to believe. When you can appreciate what comes your way and see the glass half full then you do not need those rose colored lenses. Spring can be with you year-round.

Life is how you live it, how you want to see it. Live life with color. Not just in the spring.

Boston, A New Perspective

2008-03-30T22:34:00.003-05:00

Boston and Washington, DC are both about 3 and a half hours driving distance from Manhattan. Both have therefore become the easy getaway whenever there is a long weekend or when an out-of-town guest comes to visit. I'd already had my Washington DC overload a few years ago when I'd drive south almost every other month. Similarly, with a friend half-based in Boston, the New England city has become as familiar to me lately as the back of my hand.

So when Dennis was making plans for his NYC visit for the Holy Week and asked where else we could spend a few days, my choices for him were the usual: Washington DC or Boston. He asked me which of the two was more fun and definitely, Boston. And so against all the superstitions we grew up with about traveling on Good Friday, we headed early in the day north of the I-95 and was in New England a little after lunch.

Dennis is fun to be with. H is not that kind of travel companion who is gungho about everything. He took on the role of the Boston tourist and suddenly, I was seeing the city in a different perspective.

He was ready for the city hike that he has associated with me by aearing more sensible shoes than he usually would. We checked into our lovely hotel along the Historic Trail, dropped our packpacks and then headed off to enjoy the city through our camera lens. He pretty much left to pick out our itinerary but he efficiently became my living compass (since pretty much like my gay-dar, my internal compass is also a bit screwed up). Off we trekked off to nearby Faneuil Hall where I had my favorite lobster roll which I have been craving for since we have decided on the Boston trip. Since he has allergies to anything shellfish, Dennis picked out a salmon kebob that was just heavenly.

From there we walked around, literally following the red line on the sidewalk to cover as much of the old town as possible, snapping away photographs of cemeteries, churches, state houses and buildings with breathtaking architecture.

Boston is the oldest city in the United States. It has such rich history which I have put together in my previous trips and transfering the information to a friend, I was fascinated about how much I knew about the largest city of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. Dennis, of course knew how to twist the situation to make it even more interesting. Remembering fairly well how much of a fraidy cat I am, he highlights the fact that we were staying in the oldest hotel in the United States. Though it is currently going through renovations, the fact that it sits across an old church and the first cemetery in the city, he spins a story that through some wars, the hotel might have become a temporary hospital to house the wounded. Thus, he notes, that there might have been many people have died within its walls. And then drew up images of ghosts running down the hotel corridors at night... I rolled my eyes but of course was freaked out.

By the time night time have set, we had pretty much walked around and photographed many of Boston's must-sees. We of course needed to experience the true character of Boston and nothing fulfills that more than sitting in one of the many Irish bars that dot the city. We did some bar hopping before heading back to the hotel to call it a day.

In previous trips as we drove along the river and across to get to Cambridge where my friend has a house, I have always wanted to stop and snap away pictures of college crews rowing down Charles River. I was charmed by the beauty of canoes, kayaks, boats and sculls that were its usual attractions. So now braving the early morning chill, I sneaked out, jumped into a cab and found myself standing on the esplanade and staring at an empty waterway. What the heck???

The winds, which had been relentless since the day was the only companion I had on the Charles River shores. And some brave joggers who must have been wondering what I was doing there with my camera, as was I. I still took more pictures of the view - the Alewife-bound T ripped through the silence and rolled across the Longfellow Bridge. The MIT towered in the northwest and some ducks paddled through the icy waters aong the shore.

On our way back to New York while we exchanged cameras and viewed each others pictures, we looked toward the direction of the Charles River and saw it once more dotted with college crews rowing kayaks and sculls in practice. I rolled my eyes and Dennis laughed. Apparently, I was brave enough to go out in the cold to go to the river but the college boys waited for the sun to at least lift the mercury a bit.

Still, I enjoyed Boston like I have never before. And saw it in another perspective.

I Got Sunshine

2008-03-05T08:06:00.002-05:00

It rained hard overnight and for the first time I actually HEARD rain pouring outside of my window. The wind howled too - in a scary familiar way, like how I used to remember Signal number 5 typhoons in Manila. But I was in the safety of my apartment, tucked warmly beneath my down blanket and surrounded by puffy almost cloud-like pillows.

This morning at 6AM, I got up and walked to the computer and typed an email to my boss informing her that I wasn't coming to work. I was taking a personal day off. HA! You heard that right - a personal day off. With 2.5 sick days still unused and which I am bound to lose at the end of the month I realized I had the luxury to take a day off and it would be today. Not apt to lie about being sick either, a personal day off seemed most acceptable.

And so what is a personal day? Usually what we call a day off from work to attend to urgent personal matters. Today it will be defined as when I can type an entry to my blog at 830AM, climb back to bed and read my book 'eat pray love' and maybe later, when the skies clear - have a bit of walk at the park.

It may be grey outside and the humidity will wreck havoc on my hair if I step out now. I will not be troubled. Today is a day when I will do what I want when I feel like it. And if all I want to do today is just curl in bed with a book and hot chocolate that's not so bad either. And the best thing is, I don't have to pretend to be recovering from being sick tomorrow when I come back to work. Not like how some people do it. :-)

A Life of Travel

2008-03-02T22:31:00.001-05:00

Page by page, I cannot help but feel envious of the life Elizabeth Gilbert is living in her bestselling book, "eat pray love". Not so much, of course the collapse of a marriage or the fleeting relationships after. That drama I have found on my own to live time and again and the drama never ceases to amuse me regardless how I try to avoid them.

Elizath Gilbelt then decides to pack her things and to live away for a year - four months each in Italy, in India and in Bali, Indonesia. Her life in Rome - that could as well be my life. Studying a new language, meeting new people and bring introduced to a new life. A chance to reinvent myself - again, as I'd like to think that I did leave behind the old me in Manila and has developed myself into a person - more tolerant in such a way that only a Manhattanite can be, more relaxed, more broad-minded.

Back to a life in Rome - I'd love to eat gelato everyday at 1030AM, be lost in the liquid eyes of a stranger who speaks in such a romantic language I do not understand, be dined and wined and be wooed. In a city that is dotted with many fountains I'd love to be like Elizabeth and have a favorite fountain or two. I'd love to read Italian newspapers even if it takes me a day to translate one because afterall, there is no reason to rush. I'd love to drive along the Amalfi coast on a convertible with the sun on my face and the wind in my hair. I'd love to wake up and not give a damn about what suit to wear to work or have to meet deadlines. I'd love to have the freedom not to deal with people I'd really not deal with. I'd love to have a life that I own. Like Elizabeth Gilbert, I have succeeded in knowing that I do not want to live how everyone else lives their lives. Thankfully there is that freedom of an option.

This afternoon in a phone call the Italian we exchanged plans for the year. I had planned to see him in Ukraine when he got an assignment there in December 2007. He called me while I was in Manila and invited me for a visit. I have researched like an insane woman for flights, places to see and things to do. I learned about the museums and the nightclubs on the beach and imagined a nightlife of parties that stretches until the sunrise. I targeted a visit in the spring but typical of plans with the Italian, nothing is ever final. In January, he was sent back to Italy by his administration, from where he was calling me from tonight.

If he doesn't get another assignment abroad, he told me he planned to take 6 months off starting in October and then to travel the world. I told him if he was still in Italy in the spring then I might reconsider meeting up with him either in Rome or in Spain where our friend Jorge has a standing invitation to me for a visit. Ibiza, he spoke thoughtfully and I think we had the same thoughts of beach and paradise. And if not in Europe, he promised we will see each other in New York this year.

If I had a chance, I'd take a leave off life for year myself and just go away. Go somewhere and just rediscover life in another space, another time, live life like I am starting all over again. If I had a chance, I'd live the pages of Ms. Gilbert's adventure word per word.

This year hopes to have a chance for travel. A good year is promised while a life of a dream still remains.

You know you're a New Yorker when...

2008-02-28T22:58:00.000-05:00

You also have absolutely no concept of where north and south are - it is 'uptown' or 'downtown'and east or west is 'cross-town.'
You're 35 years old and don't have a driver's license.
You ride in a subway car with no air conditioning just because there are seats available.
You take the train home and you know exactly where on the platform the doors will open that will leave you right in front of the exit stairway.
You know what a 'regular' coffee is.
It's not Manhattan...it's the 'city.'
You cross the street any where but on the corners and you yell at cars for not respecting your right to do it.
You move 3,000 miles away, spend 10 years learning the local language and people still know you're from Brooklyn, Long Island or the Bronx the minute you open your mouth.
You return after 10 years and the first foods you want are a 'real' pizza and a 'real' bagel.
A 500 square foot apartment is large.
You know the differences between all the different Ray's Pizzas.
You are not under the mistaken impression that any human being would be able to actually understand a P.A. announcement on the subway.
You wouldn't bother ordering pizza in any other city.
You get ready to order dinner every night and must choose from the major food groups which are: Chinese, Italian, Mexican or Indian.
You're not the least bit interested in going to Times Square on New Year’s Eve.
Your internal clock is permanently set to know when alternate side of the street parking regulations is in effect.
You know what a bodega is.
Someone bumps into you and you check for your wallet.
You don't even notice the lady walking down the road having a perfectly normal conversation with herself.
You pay 'only' $230 a month to park your car.
You cringe at hearing people pronounce Houston St. like the city in Texas.
The presidential visit is a major traffic jam, not an honor.
You can nap on the subway and never miss your stop.
The deli guy gives you a straw with any beverage you buy, even if it's a beer.

That's New York, baby! Ya gotta love it.

Hug Me

2008-02-25T22:09:00.002-05:00

I found this as a post on Apartment Therapy today.

When the time comes when I do get needy I hope I won't ever have to resort to a pillow with an arm.

Jeeez, it's so creepy!

What do you think????

(P.S. - I am allowing comments - just for this post!)

White

2008-02-22T23:48:00.000-05:00

A lot of snow have been promised to New Yorkers the past months but we have not seen much. As a matter of fact through most of January we absolutely had no snow - the first time in 75 years! Not a snowflake and thus have been much snow-deprived.

Last night, weather forecasters talked of winter weather warnings. Like me, I am sure many just shrugged and thought it would be another false cause for well, excitement. But this morning when I pulled up the blinds in my room, voila! It was a winter wonderland! Snow continued to fall steadily. Very dainty, the snow fell in an almost graceful way, it made the whole view outside my window look like a dream.

But how quickly snow is cleared out in this city. Snowplows hit the road as soon as the accumulations reach 2 inches. The sidewalks was quickly salted and shoveled to protect the many pedestrians who take to the road daily. This is, afterall, the city where everyone walks.

So on the way to the bus stop, when I realized the sidewalk shovelers have not touched the other sideof the street yet, I crossed and playfully baptized the fresh fallen snow, crushing it beneath underfoot. And for the block and a half walk, my color and my sleeves were dusted with more white.

Looking out the window into the city from my office, I couldn't help but adore the breathtaking view. It was like sitting in this giant snow globe surrounded by by dancing snowflakes, twirling in the wind.

A snowglobe without the shaking.

Heads Off!

2008-02-20T22:45:00.002-05:00

I think today was a day when I would have been better off staying home and not stirring up emotions at the office. Today was my "bitch" day.

Started quite easy actually, sat on the bus and listened to my ipod music while perusing the pages of my New York mag with the Lindsay Lohan nude pics. I walked to my favorite breakfast place, picked up my bagel and my coffee and then might actually hummed a tune while the elevator chauffeured me to my high rise office floor with the view. Of course I greeted everyone a perky 'good morning' but landing at my desk my day makes a full 360 degrees when I am told that someone wasn't coming to work. Again. What's the big deal? I would again cover for her and I would get the bulk of the work that has been pending on her lap through most of last week since she was also out yesterday.

No, someone going away for a day off because they are genuinely sick or has an emergency is fine with me. I certainly won't raise hell about it. File a vacation and I will wish you bon voyage. But I do not appreciate it when in the past 4 years I have been working with this person she would stage these sick days when she has a big task on hand that she doesn't know how to manage it. Time and again the cyclic sickness tragedy would befall her right when she is made responsible for something important and I am left out in the rain to wrap up and finish whatever is yet undone.

The most outrageous and insane part about it is that there is nothing management can do about the situation but tolerate her. I often feel like the sucker who ends up doing more work simply because I value my 'work ethics'. Pooh.

Today I barked at everyone and everyone literally recoiled out of my way fearing for their life. My sing-song voice went AWOL. Nope, neither was today a usual giggle day. Struggling to finish my own work and trying to meet deadlines to stage the big meeting she was suppose to finish I swear I spew fire at everyone everytime I opened my mouth. My girlfriends likewise stayed away, tip-toeing around me even without knowing what was going on.

Over lunch though, I was able to share my frustration and talking about it may have made me feel better. Later in the afternoon when a consultant stopped by my desk to make small talk I confessed that it wasn't one of my best days and he admitted he was also having a rough week. No, actually he said most everyone he knew were having a bad one and that we might have the lunar eclipse tonight to blame (yeah right, blame it on the moon). He made me laugh though when he said that he had been feeling so horrendous that while he was sitting in the long meeting this afternoon he tried to end his life by slicing his wrist with a real bad paper cut.

So if you were around our office today or somewhere close to East 42nd Street and came across people walking around without heads then they must have just come by to see me. I had been biting everyone's head off for every stupid remark or question brought to my attention today.

Maybe tomorrow is a better day. Or I will call in sick.

Bonding over Lipstick Jungle

2008-02-18T22:16:00.003-05:00

The thing about dating a new guy is... dating a new guy. New set of friends to get to know, new set of habits to adjust to, new everything that can sometimes be a wonderful part of getting to know someone and often times, overwhelming.

I always say at my age I should be done with the hassles of these matters which I have tortured myself with through most of my life with a long line of exes to suffer with. And so in the past weeks I've come up with one too many excuses not to plunge into the world of 'his friends'. Fortunately, the man I am dating is very understanding, hopelessly giving in to me regardless how ridiculous my reasons for not wanting to get together with his friends. This weekend, I ran out of excuses and so we traveled north and spent the weekend with 'his peeps'.

I first met Annete and her husband in early Fall 2007 and I remember her as the quiet caterer who got away from the rowdy Thanksgiving party early. While on our way she called my cellphone and asked if we could stay with them instead of our plan to book a hotel room.

In the morning after we arrived she made some coffee and then we drove to a nice cafe and had a very relaxed brunch. Afterwards when the boys decided to hang out with the rest of their gang we headed to the mall, did some shopping and then headed back home after deciding we could prep some stuff for the grill for dinner.

We did the usual small talk - awkward at first, trying to find things we had in common. And then she mentioned how she loved the new TV series Lipstick Jungle. I have watched the past 2 episodes and though I really didn't think I had much of an opinion about it yet, I listened to her dissect each of the characters's lives. Apparently she has read the book by Candace Bushnell and confesses she has become a fan.

Unlike 'Sex and the City' which reflects an almost fantasical view of singledom life in Manhattan, Lipstick Jungle is about three more mature women (in their 30s I suppose) who have careers, marriages, and family. None of their lives are perfect - a marriage struggling against the success of one partner and the faltering career of the other, the pain of being in a loveless/sexless marriage, a once promising fashion designer finding her empire crumbling. Yes, we can all relate to it. Annete laughs when she says she would have hated any of these women if their lives have been perfect considering how beautiful they were with their perfectly done make-up and hair and their long legs and designer clothes. This, we agreed, we could relate to.

Women, no matter how flawed they are, try to project a perfect facade to their public. They will share some of the horrific details to those closest to them but never the whole picture. Women will test the water before they would want to share stories about indiscretions with a 25-year old. They will most likely share stories about work problems or the the more mundane stuff but the more intimate details are harder to share because no matter how close your relationships are, women fear being judged. Women do not discuss the gory details of life openly like they do in 'Sex and the City'. Real women hold back until they feel safe to do so.

Carefully, we opened up bits and pieces of our lives we were ready to share with a stranger with a potential to test the water to see if we can allow the other to cross the lines closer into the concentric levels of a relationship. I did not judge her and hopefully she hadn't judged me either. We were similar on some terms - we were both in love with men whose lives we cannot relate to - their sports, their culture and their deep friendships. A testosterone-hyped gang we call our boyfriend's team and of course, their girls. Like myself, she has also veered away from the girlfriends' club.

By the time our men came back, we had prepared enough meat and burgers for them to throw into the grill. While the boys showed off their culinary skills, Annete and I retreated to the living room and bonded some more over the more recent episode of "Lipstick Jungle" which she had TiVo'd.

I think I won't dread the boys' weekends so much anymore.

And furthermore....

2008-02-08T22:59:00.000-05:00

Post script to my previous blog: http://mavic.blogspot.com/2008/02/mars-and-venus-talks.html

One more thought about Mars and Venus talking. Notice that cellphones have become the modern world's most advance technological innovation? Cellphones are so advanced that many people have ditched their landlines because the convenience of the mobile phone just cannot be beat.

But phones have also become the bane of modern relationships. Suddenly, phone calls are replaced by text messages! And if you can receive emails on your phone, assume that you'd most likely get an email than a phone call. But you know what annoys me the most? When it is assumed that I can take calls anytime, even when I warn that I am in the middle of a meeting.

And one more thing: when men just can't make the call as needed and will then simply dismiss it as part of being male.

ARGH!!!!!!!

Mars and Venus Talks

2008-02-07T23:30:00.000-05:00

Free range posting: Posting without limits, talk about anything.

Here goes…

No matter how hard we try how come men and women cannot communicate in the same language. We both speak English, of course, still everything seem lost in translation. And we do try – even too hard sometimes and yet the semantics continue to get in the way. And quite desperately, we have come down to often asking each other: when you say that, do you really mean it as such or as another way?

So off with the flowery language and then off with the snappy brute quips likewise. Straight forward as possible would have to work and yet, it does strip off the romance in the exchanges. Knowing you can’t have it all, I guess like everyone else I’m hoping we at least have one - a clear cut way of saying laundry needs to be done and be understood by the other that it is his/her turn. :-)

Hilarious!

2008-02-01T20:12:00.001-05:00

My friend Erin shared this with me today and didn't get to watch it til I got home. Hilarious! I'm so cracked up by Sarah Silverman and her really mean comedy but this is ridiculously funny.

Matt Damon rocks, too!

Puppy Love

2008-01-30T22:07:00.000-05:00

I've been seriously considering getting a new roomie. A puppy to come home to everyday sounds really great. A pup that jumps with joy when it sees me, loves me unconditionally and one that I can share my secrets with and not fear it will in the future be used against me :-)

I'm not so sure if I can settle for a much older dog at the kennel or the pound. I am tempted to think that I could but since I am literally going to be just a new pup owner I think the safest thing is to get a new pup. I think it'll be great to be in a situation where we are both learning about each other from scratch (pun intended).

Back home in Manila we have always had dogs but I can't claim full ownership for them. My mom usually is their master because she groomed, bathed and fed them. I just play. I'm not so sure either about how well I can manage with a new responsibility. I fear this will affect my tendency to just drop things and leave for somewhere, and might even have consequences to my social life. Doggie needs to be walked every morning (there goes sleeping late) and at the end of the day (limited night outs or will have to go home first). And walking the dog in Manhattan means picking up puppy's poop when it is done with its duty (I am way too squeamish). When it gets ill I'd have to nurse it back to health which I do not mind. Neither do I mind the bathing and grooming part. Or the playing with it in the park part and the having it sleep on my bed part.

Still I need to step back from the want picture a bit and think about it more thoroughly before I bring home a new puppy. As for breed, I am sure of one thing: my studio apartment dictates it would have to be small. Not mousey tiny small but just small. Our Spock at home was a Silky Terrier. My friends have Westies (below) and Yorkies (above) or similarly small dogs which I find similarly manageable in temperament and care required.

Of course, my friends have also suggested that I get a cat instead, noting it is less complicated as a dog. Well, I'd hate the fact that kitty it won't come to me when I call it. Trust me.

Going for a Tune-Up

2008-01-27T23:11:00.000-05:00

I have a full medical check-up scheduled for tomorrow at NYU Hospital. And it is freaking me out. Nothing makes me more anxious than getting updates about how my body is keeping up with the beating I give it. Yeah, I know that every bit of bad thing I do my body takes a toll. That piece of grilled ‘liempo’ and that chunky bagoong that accompanied my mom’s mouthwatering kare-kare all were justified when I was vacationing for the holidays. Those chocolates at the office were great, too and so I've had more than a handful. In reality it doesn’t take a genius to know that there is also payback for such indulgence. And talking about indulgences, I still will not eat vegetables.

Like everyone else I know, hey, I don’t want to live forever. My vanity dictates that the time to go is before everything gives in to gravity and when all life has been sucked out of me that I am half the person I am– wrinkled, grey and incoherent. But in my journey through that stage of life, I certainly wish that I can enjoy a quality of life that would be with at the very least some hint of dignity. I hope not to die of some lingering illness when I lose bits of myself piece by piece like a jigsaw puzzle. I don’t want to be drooling, hooked up to machines and slowly wasting away. THAT is not the way I want to go. Though there certainly is no good way to go, I’d wish to peacefully leave life in my sleep.

Heredity has the odds against me though. From both sides of my family I am opt to get something bad. Name it we have it - high blood pressure, diabetes, heart disease, cancer. But in true Filipino fashion I can always shrug, chuckled and utter: bahala na.

At my age, I’ve outlived a husband, grandparents and some uncles and aunts, maybe even some cousins. My parents continue to have good health except for the usual aches and pains and only because they have consciously opted to stay active with their lifestyle. I don’t smoke, only drink socially and when I am home in New York try to maintain a healthy lifestyle. I have recently discovered the power of yoga and mediation to steer me away from stress and anxiety to which I am prone to. I walk around the city a lot in the weekends, run the treadmill at the gym and around Central Park's Reservoir when the weather is good or play tennis in the spring and summer. I try to make sure that I maintain a diet that is about moderation – not deprivation.

I know it is never enough but I really can't promise that I can do more because that would seem too obsessive – when every waking minute is spent on trying to be healthy. When I get lazy I will stay in the apartment the whole day or take the bus for a mere few blocks just because. Some nights I might stay out until the early morning partying with friends but it not something I do all the time. A few lapses now and then. Right now I do what I have to do with the best in mind.

Tomorrow I will know the verdict on how I’ve done with myself so far. Too bad I only have one body and there is “start over” button to re-do all the bad I’ve done to it in the past. Moving forward I hope I can be kinder to it, though. It’s the only one I’ll ever have anyway.

In the Mail

2008-01-13T23:12:00.000-05:00

As you may noticed I have been cheating on my blog the past few entries. Blame the holidays and being busy while home in the Philippines (and sick as well) and then the bloody jetlag that's bogged me down for the past week now (yes, I didn't sleep til 5AM this morning).

So Happy New Year's to all, from this blogger on her first real entry for the year.

I am now back home in my Manhattan apartment, sitting in front of the computer and listening to the red-carpetless rendition of the Golden Globe Awards on TV. Outside it has started to rain, a prelude to the expected snow. I do not hear the pitter patter of the raindrops as I so enjoyed back home at my parent's house. The rain in Manhattan is soundless except for the splashing of the car tyres on the avenue below my window as they drive past. I do not hear the raindrops tip tap the roof above because there is no roof above - just more apartments same sized as mine though probably messier.

I tidied up my apartment today. Finally I have unpacked and have stashed the luggage in my closet again, filled with my spring and summer clothes for re-unpacking when this season is done. And then the sweaters will trade places with the light cotton blouses.

I also had time to run through the huge red bag that the postman have left on my doorstep on Thursday evening. Prior to leaving for Manila, I have made an online request to USPS to put my maill on hold and for them to re-deliver on the day of my return.

The bag was filled with Christmas catalogs from Bloomingdale's, Banana Republic, West Elm and Victoria's Secret. I browsed through them with interest though most of the coupons were now expired so there goes any more plans for shopping (add the fact that I need to financially recover from the trip!). There were also copies of my magazine subscriptions which I realized i wouldn't have time to read through til March. And then the bills : grateful that I was able to put on hold likewise most of my utilities - cable, internet, phone, Netflix and the gym membership so I wouldn't be billed when I wouldn't be using them. And then of course, Christmas cards.

As early as Thanksgiving I usually have filled out and addressed the cards I plan to be sending out. It minimizes the stress of the rush right before departure. Last December I dropped them in the mailbox on the afternoon right before I took the cab to their airport. Most of them made it to their destinations. Only one came back - I never know why Bu's cards never made it to Guam regardless if I send it to her PO box or her home address. Did you move?

I got a handful of cards, mostly with pictures. I liked that. It was great to see friends, not just cards. I tried to recall the name of my friend's brood and have had 75% success rate. It was great to see that everyone was alright, everyone looked good.

One more important thing came in my belated bulk mail: Remy's wedding invitation which I have missed because she had it while I was in Manila. Well, I promised her instead that I will make up for the absence - when we have her baby shower.

Soon I hope???