Tuesday, June 22, 2010


Just when I thought I have got things figured out, I got a phone call that pretty much sounds like "let's try this again". I have thought this out before, see - I am good where I am right now. I'd prefer the status quo and would likely insist on it. Except that my heart skipped a beat this afternoon and I find myself literally spellbound... once more at the mercy of my stupidity.

I can't be doing this again....I seriously need to grow up.

Please go tell my heart.


Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Flowers at Home: Orchids

So he brought me a pot of orchids to cheer me up last weekend after my surgery. It is a beautiful plant with four shoots of flowering stems displaying flowers with light pink petals and fuschia lips.

In the morning I bring it next to the window to allow it to get some air and then right before I leave for work, I move it back to the coffee table.

He knows I am not good with plants but he told me I deserved another chance and then crossed
his fingers.

Am quite confident I won't kill it actually, because the orchid pot I have owned for 2 years now which I thought I've murdered several times through drowning or starvation now has flower shoots. Yes, that is plural - there are two, not just one.



Flowers at home: Daisies

It is almost summer afterall...

For my apartment, we bought from Union Square's farmer's market three bunches of white daisies and scattered them in vases throughout including the bathroom.

It has so far made the week so much more bright and sunny especially when I come home and tired from back to back meetings.


Monday, June 14, 2010

Close Call

You know that feeling...like when a sneeze is imminent but it is just holding off. Tears start to pool in your eyes, your nose flare, there is much anticipation, your breathing becomes shallow.

Or when the stretch of hot humid summer days have all living things yearning for a break. The earth starts to crack in its thirst. Trees start to look weary, almost surrendering to the punishing heat. In the city the streets feel as though it has started to heave steam through its asphalt roads.

And then the much awaited release. A huge sneeze. A heavy quenching downpour. Relief.

That was what it felt like to have my doctor give me a really dim prognosis after two routine exams came back with abnormalities. She scheduled me for a third exam, this time more radical - a do or die (yeah, a pun) check to confirm what the exams were showing. Coming from a family of medical professionals, I benefited from knowing what questions to ask. To some disadvantage, too, I guess because then I ended up finding out too much. And with further discussions I re-consult with Francis who helped me understand further what my options were.

On Friday, a week after a diagnostic surgery the doctor called and informed me that the results came out negative. Like a dam the tears broke - I cried like a baby. Well, acceptable considering I felt like I just got my life back. I called my boyfriend who had been through the punishing journey with me, himself ending up going through sympathetic symptoms brought about by the anxiety. He was overcome by emotions as well. I called Francis to give him the good news, informed my BFF, T (who went out with her hubby for drinks to celebrate) and the small circle of people who knew about the problem.

In the weeks with the dim possibilities looming over me I organized my life that if I got hit by a bus tomorrow my insurance, my pension fund, my living will, my will are all in place. My financials have never looked so good. In sadness I thought about what I could end up missing - seeing my daughter marry and have children, being able to travel to so many places I've always wanted to see but held off because 'I was too busy". It sounds overly dramatic now but faced with an impending uncertainty about your future, truly your life just flashes in front of your eyes.

A clean slate. This is a new life. I plan to not dwell on the things that do not matter. Yeah, work is just work now. A means to an end. I will definitely travel more (way more than before). I will do those sailing lessons and will bike all through summer (tho still not convinced I will do that to go to work). I will stop with a compulsive need to make everyone happy. Damn, I will make me happy. It's my turn!

The smile on my face all through the weekend and through today made people notice a new radiance. It's a new start. I will make the most of it.