Confusion

Life is never tougher until you come to a major crossroad. For someone who often chooses to 'take the logical route', a fork in the road with no sign or indication to its destination is a major bummer. Where is a GPS when you need one, right? A friend once told me that the best GPS to life is intuition - gut feel. Well, mine needs major reconditioning because it has stopped working since Magellan discovered Cebu.

And so without the aid of my internal GPS but relying much on the inputs of friends, a long pros-and-cons list in an excel sheet and my pre-menstrual temperament, I took a major leap of faith this weekend and made a decision that I am sure will chart a new voyage to my adventures.

I roll my eyes tonight as I ponder on the consequences of my decision. So this is what everyone else seems to want for me. This is what everyone says is right for me. Is it the same as what I want? WHAT DO I WANT?

I heave a sigh and drown in the silence in my apartment. I hear only the tic-toc of the cheap wall clock from Ikea that hangs in my kitchen wall. It echoes through the deafening emptiness of my surroundings. As I turn to the question at hand once more, I hear nothing. My thoughts do not reverberate in the hollowness of my feelings. I feel nothing.

I don't know.