Bonding over Lipstick Jungle

The thing about dating a new guy is... dating a new guy. New set of friends to get to know, new set of habits to adjust to, new everything that can sometimes be a wonderful part of getting to know someone and often times, overwhelming.

I always say at my age I should be done with the hassles of these matters which I have tortured myself with through most of my life with a long line of exes to suffer with. And so in the past weeks I've come up with one too many excuses not to plunge into the world of 'his friends'. Fortunately, the man I am dating is very understanding, hopelessly giving in to me regardless how ridiculous my reasons for not wanting to get together with his friends. This weekend, I ran out of excuses and so we traveled north and spent the weekend with 'his peeps'.

I first met Annete and her husband in early Fall 2007 and I remember her as the quiet caterer who got away from the rowdy Thanksgiving party early. While on our way she called my cellphone and asked if we could stay with them instead of our plan to book a hotel room.

In the morning after we arrived she made some coffee and then we drove to a nice cafe and had a very relaxed brunch. Afterwards when the boys decided to hang out with the rest of their gang we headed to the mall, did some shopping and then headed back home after deciding we could prep some stuff for the grill for dinner.

We did the usual small talk - awkward at first, trying to find things we had in common. And then she mentioned how she loved the new TV series Lipstick Jungle. I have watched the past 2 episodes and though I really didn't think I had much of an opinion about it yet, I listened to her dissect each of the characters's lives. Apparently she has read the book by Candace Bushnell and confesses she has become a fan.

Unlike 'Sex and the City' which reflects an almost fantasical view of singledom life in Manhattan, Lipstick Jungle is about three more mature women (in their 30s I suppose) who have careers, marriages, and family. None of their lives are perfect - a marriage struggling against the success of one partner and the faltering career of the other, the pain of being in a loveless/sexless marriage, a once promising fashion designer finding her empire crumbling. Yes, we can all relate to it. Annete laughs when she says she would have hated any of these women if their lives have been perfect considering how beautiful they were with their perfectly done make-up and hair and their long legs and designer clothes. This, we agreed, we could relate to.

Women, no matter how flawed they are, try to project a perfect facade to their public. They will share some of the horrific details to those closest to them but never the whole picture. Women will test the water before they would want to share stories about indiscretions with a 25-year old. They will most likely share stories about work problems or the the more mundane stuff but the more intimate details are harder to share because no matter how close your relationships are, women fear being judged. Women do not discuss the gory details of life openly like they do in 'Sex and the City'. Real women hold back until they feel safe to do so.

Carefully, we opened up bits and pieces of our lives we were ready to share with a stranger with a potential to test the water to see if we can allow the other to cross the lines closer into the concentric levels of a relationship. I did not judge her and hopefully she hadn't judged me either. We were similar on some terms - we were both in love with men whose lives we cannot relate to - their sports, their culture and their deep friendships. A testosterone-hyped gang we call our boyfriend's team and of course, their girls. Like myself, she has also veered away from the girlfriends' club.

By the time our men came back, we had prepared enough meat and burgers for them to throw into the grill. While the boys showed off their culinary skills, Annete and I retreated to the living room and bonded some more over the more recent episode of "Lipstick Jungle" which she had TiVo'd.

I think I won't dread the boys' weekends so much anymore.