Over Tapas and Sweet Wine
When a girlfriend calls you up for drinks on a long weekend you know there is something amiss. Don't get me wrong. I love being with her and totally enjoy her company because not only is she smart but she also has this sweetness and disposition that makes her adorable. I was only too willing to change my plans for the weekend and meet up with her and J and make my first excursion into Brooklyn's Williamsburg area.
And so over Spanish tapas and sweet wine, we talked about life, love and Brazilian music. When my girlfriend, T. briefly touched on her current romance problems, J. began to share his own current dilemmas. I was surprised because I didn't know he was having issues with his girlfriend, too. As they unburden each other emotionally, I listen and glad I have nothing to contribute. Oh, I have had my own dramas, trust me. It is just that at this point, I think my current romance is at a dormant stage because it is neither on a high or on a low point. It is at that stage when it is just trying to figure out which way it should head next; call it a plateau but a pleasant one.
And as I sit back on my chair and they share their stories with me, I realize I am in the midst of a full cycle of romance amongst my friends. I have a girlfriend with romance just budding, another just started, I am in the plateau and then T. and J. are troubling themselves with crossroads - of figuring out if they were at a phase when issues could be resolved or not, if walking away was a saner solution to struggling through a dark tunnel with no light in sight.
This is more or less the romance cycle. The start where all is perfect and both of you are at a high. When both regard each other with sensitivity concern and to each other, they are the 'perfect one'. And then you move to the 'comfort zone' when you let down on some of the courtesies and then discover each other more - morally, psychologically, emotionally and in our cases, culturally. And then the challenges that come with relationships that will either make or break them.
The relationships that last, I feel retain a bit of the romance but what carries them through is the friendship and the mutual respect for each other. Without these two factors what you have in your hand is a turbulent relationship constantly on the brink and hardly with a chance to last except for reasons of other interests - financial, social or the damned 'for the kids' sake' reason.
At half past midnight, T. and I kissed our simpatico senor goodbye and walked to the train that would take us back to the city. We looked up on the clear spring evening sky and made wishes on stars. And then she confided some more that what perhaps scared her most about deciding the fate of her relationship was that she would be moving away from the only person she moved into New York for.
The longer you drag the situation the more the two of you will hurt and be bitter about each other, I told her. Stop skirting the problems, put all the trash on the table and sort it out together. Make it clear what can be resolved and what is a dead cause and then decide once and for all if you will fight it out together or not. If you can move on as a couple or not. And if the final decision is not, always know that you have friends and I am always here for you if you need someone. You can never be alone.
With that she and I said said goodbye at Grand Central. She took the train upstate and I imagine, in deep thought. I flagged a cab, got home and felt glad I changed my plans for tonight.
And so over Spanish tapas and sweet wine, we talked about life, love and Brazilian music. When my girlfriend, T. briefly touched on her current romance problems, J. began to share his own current dilemmas. I was surprised because I didn't know he was having issues with his girlfriend, too. As they unburden each other emotionally, I listen and glad I have nothing to contribute. Oh, I have had my own dramas, trust me. It is just that at this point, I think my current romance is at a dormant stage because it is neither on a high or on a low point. It is at that stage when it is just trying to figure out which way it should head next; call it a plateau but a pleasant one.
And as I sit back on my chair and they share their stories with me, I realize I am in the midst of a full cycle of romance amongst my friends. I have a girlfriend with romance just budding, another just started, I am in the plateau and then T. and J. are troubling themselves with crossroads - of figuring out if they were at a phase when issues could be resolved or not, if walking away was a saner solution to struggling through a dark tunnel with no light in sight.
This is more or less the romance cycle. The start where all is perfect and both of you are at a high. When both regard each other with sensitivity concern and to each other, they are the 'perfect one'. And then you move to the 'comfort zone' when you let down on some of the courtesies and then discover each other more - morally, psychologically, emotionally and in our cases, culturally. And then the challenges that come with relationships that will either make or break them.
The relationships that last, I feel retain a bit of the romance but what carries them through is the friendship and the mutual respect for each other. Without these two factors what you have in your hand is a turbulent relationship constantly on the brink and hardly with a chance to last except for reasons of other interests - financial, social or the damned 'for the kids' sake' reason.
At half past midnight, T. and I kissed our simpatico senor goodbye and walked to the train that would take us back to the city. We looked up on the clear spring evening sky and made wishes on stars. And then she confided some more that what perhaps scared her most about deciding the fate of her relationship was that she would be moving away from the only person she moved into New York for.
The longer you drag the situation the more the two of you will hurt and be bitter about each other, I told her. Stop skirting the problems, put all the trash on the table and sort it out together. Make it clear what can be resolved and what is a dead cause and then decide once and for all if you will fight it out together or not. If you can move on as a couple or not. And if the final decision is not, always know that you have friends and I am always here for you if you need someone. You can never be alone.
With that she and I said said goodbye at Grand Central. She took the train upstate and I imagine, in deep thought. I flagged a cab, got home and felt glad I changed my plans for tonight.