Mother, Daughter, Mother
Mothers and daughters are the most complex relationships in the universe. It could be because each is a part of each other that is why they have too much in common and yet so different from each other. It is a relationship that starts out as a very dependent one for us. From the womb to the first months after birth, the mother is the single individual in the whole universe whose voice, smell and heartbeat we are familiar with. It is a familiarity that provides comfort when she is near. It is a dependency resulting from the need for survival and the total lack of self-sufficiency. As independence slowly sets in, we learn to crawl, to walk, to run, to talk and to talk back, we -the child, slowly wean from mother.
Mothers, however, never see this time coming. The natural tendency to nurture and well, mother, goes beyond elementary days and high school and college and it just never stops. Mothers are life-organizers, worriers, and whose joys are the simplest when it comes from their children. The littlest things that could be taken for granted, when it comes from a child to the mother is amplified in value. And when you love someone this much, hurt is also easier to inflict.
Mother and daughter relationships are also the more dramatic ones in the family. Mine, was anyway, when I was growing up because I had always been very close to my mother and so our peaks and lows were often extremes. Since my father would be away to work most of the day my mother took on the role of disciplinarian. It was when the children had done something beyond petty that it was brought to my dad's attention (ask Francis who'd break into tears the second my dad summons for him). I guess, their logic was that because my dad was hardly home it was unfair to have him getting angry with the kids when he was.
Growing up, my mom was my best best friend and still is. She was the one who told me I was pretty when I didn't believe I was. She cheered me on and gave me confidence when I couldn't source my own. I confidently told her about boys (and still do) I was seeing and shared my heartbreaks with her. Looking back at it I realize it was wrong because long after I had forgotten about whatever sob story I had with an ex my mom still remembered and she'd have a totally negative view of anyone who has made me cry.
There was also a time when I totally hated everything my mom did. She smothered me, had more opinions about my affairs than I did and wanted to run my life. Until I had Nicole.
Nothing makes you rediscover the wisdom and expertise of your mother until you have your own child. She knew everything about pregnancy, giving birth and taking the baby home. She gave Nicole her first bath because I was afraid to hold her or drown her as she looked so fragile. I mean, I could have managed to give her a bath on my own if she could have waited until she could sit up. But mom said it wouldn't be healthy and I believed her.
Now that little baby is 20 years old. When I left Manila 3 years ago, she was the Assumptionista who couldn't even cross the street or take public transportation (I am not kidding). In 2002 and again last year she travelled to NY on her own. Now a college student who has the regal bearing of a confident, intellligent and charming young woman, I cannot help but watch her and adore her and wonder how I had raised her so well. Of course I would take the full credit for all of these positive traits! :-)
When I was home in December, the reversal of our roles are once again emphasized as she would often be the mom and I, the child. She would scold me when she disapproved of whatever I was up to. She seems more knowledgeable about life and its complexities than I did when I was 20, considering the fact I already had her when I was her age. When my mom and I get the chance to talk and she is not within earshot, we'd often laugh about how she is more mom to me than I am to her. And I am proud of it. I am unabashedly proud of being mom to her. She pursues her dreams and though sometimes has the usual hesitations, she manages to win every battle that comes along her way. She takes her loses with a shrug, maybe a little humor, though I know some of them have left her with a heartbreak but many times wiser. She has a quiet strength, and exhibits the charm she definitely got from me.
Someone told me that, "daughters are what their mothers are". I know I will be, probably am already, what my mom is but Nicole is different. She is what she is - mostly what I have always wanted to be. I dream she will have a life that is full of dreams that will come true and one that will be easier than mine but not less exciting.
When I grow up I want to be just like her.
Mothers, however, never see this time coming. The natural tendency to nurture and well, mother, goes beyond elementary days and high school and college and it just never stops. Mothers are life-organizers, worriers, and whose joys are the simplest when it comes from their children. The littlest things that could be taken for granted, when it comes from a child to the mother is amplified in value. And when you love someone this much, hurt is also easier to inflict.
Mother and daughter relationships are also the more dramatic ones in the family. Mine, was anyway, when I was growing up because I had always been very close to my mother and so our peaks and lows were often extremes. Since my father would be away to work most of the day my mother took on the role of disciplinarian. It was when the children had done something beyond petty that it was brought to my dad's attention (ask Francis who'd break into tears the second my dad summons for him). I guess, their logic was that because my dad was hardly home it was unfair to have him getting angry with the kids when he was.
Growing up, my mom was my best best friend and still is. She was the one who told me I was pretty when I didn't believe I was. She cheered me on and gave me confidence when I couldn't source my own. I confidently told her about boys (and still do) I was seeing and shared my heartbreaks with her. Looking back at it I realize it was wrong because long after I had forgotten about whatever sob story I had with an ex my mom still remembered and she'd have a totally negative view of anyone who has made me cry.
There was also a time when I totally hated everything my mom did. She smothered me, had more opinions about my affairs than I did and wanted to run my life. Until I had Nicole.
Nothing makes you rediscover the wisdom and expertise of your mother until you have your own child. She knew everything about pregnancy, giving birth and taking the baby home. She gave Nicole her first bath because I was afraid to hold her or drown her as she looked so fragile. I mean, I could have managed to give her a bath on my own if she could have waited until she could sit up. But mom said it wouldn't be healthy and I believed her.
Now that little baby is 20 years old. When I left Manila 3 years ago, she was the Assumptionista who couldn't even cross the street or take public transportation (I am not kidding). In 2002 and again last year she travelled to NY on her own. Now a college student who has the regal bearing of a confident, intellligent and charming young woman, I cannot help but watch her and adore her and wonder how I had raised her so well. Of course I would take the full credit for all of these positive traits! :-)
When I was home in December, the reversal of our roles are once again emphasized as she would often be the mom and I, the child. She would scold me when she disapproved of whatever I was up to. She seems more knowledgeable about life and its complexities than I did when I was 20, considering the fact I already had her when I was her age. When my mom and I get the chance to talk and she is not within earshot, we'd often laugh about how she is more mom to me than I am to her. And I am proud of it. I am unabashedly proud of being mom to her. She pursues her dreams and though sometimes has the usual hesitations, she manages to win every battle that comes along her way. She takes her loses with a shrug, maybe a little humor, though I know some of them have left her with a heartbreak but many times wiser. She has a quiet strength, and exhibits the charm she definitely got from me.
Someone told me that, "daughters are what their mothers are". I know I will be, probably am already, what my mom is but Nicole is different. She is what she is - mostly what I have always wanted to be. I dream she will have a life that is full of dreams that will come true and one that will be easier than mine but not less exciting.
When I grow up I want to be just like her.