Value of Friendships
I've mentioned many times the value of friendships when you are away from family as I am. My friends have become my surrogate family and I'm sure in many ways it is a mutual feeling among us. We have stood steadfast through troubled times, celebrated happy moments and even cried on each other's shoulders when things hit rock bottom. And like them, I take my friendships very seriously so that any form of betrayal is unforgiveable.
My friends know me well - that I give my best, all that I can, if I can, to them. I don't demand much - just respect and to accept me for what I am - basics of a genuine friendship. Coming to New York, I have become more tolerant and understanding of people's shortcomings. Back in Manila kasi, friends are but minor characters in my life story. I have my family that I can turn to and always matter most. Forgiveness is easy but forgetting is something else. I have this mental meter that only allows so many and so much before I can turn around and scratch someone out of my friends list. And unfortunately, I don't give second chances. Minsan when I think about it parang bata but taking with some friends back in Manila I realized it is the same with a lot of them. It is truly pathetic to stay friends with someone who you know is just out to take advantage of your goodwill. Leeches, backbiters, turncoats and the same shouldn't have to weigh down your life.
Looking back, the friends I have kept so far remain those who are more like sisters or brothers to me. Remy and Ana have always been a part of my family and my friendship with them has run through more than a decade, through boyfriends, marriages and children (Ana's). Remy and I will seek each other online to chat if not to talk on the phone for whatever. She travels to NY once a year or I to Ft. Lauderdale or like last year had planned to meet in Ohio.
Ana and I maybe separated by thousands of miles but it has not deterred us from staying in touch. Every year when I go home we make it a point to see each other and when troubled times hit who else would we be calling but each other. Sister, she calls me and I feel that, too. It feels sad that I only get to see her once a year and with hardly any time for private conversation as we would be in the midst of our families. I think when I go home next December I will find time to see her for lunch in Makati, just the two of us.
Lizza is the friend whose frankness I value. She will give it to me straight, walang bola, anything. She doesn't say things to make me feel good. She will say the good and the bad as she sees it. Often we do not see things eye to eye pero that is what friendship is about - agreeing to disagree. Christmas 2003 she was very vocal with her disappointment with me not finding time to see her. Last December we had breakfast, lunch and I met up with her family in a resort where they were vacationing. In other words she manipulated my schedule kaya I didn't get to see anyone else (excused na ba ako - VLH? Gay? Elaine?).
The thing about putting value to friendships, is that you are open to abuse. And I have gone through that time and time again since coming to New York. Minsan I think it's better to just not trust totally in friendships and to keep to myself. But then, along the way I have met and kept some new friends worth their weight in gold, too. So it's really a gamble.
No man is an island and the world is so much better when you can share your rainbows across a wide range of people you hold close to your heart. You pick your friends and put them in a basket and hope you have chosen well. Sometimes you get some and find some rotten oranges or apples in your selection. You can either be enraged and make a big deal out of it or just throw them in the thrash and move on.
I love the friends I have in my basket. Some of them, just new acquaintances I have given a part of my heart that dares to be hurt again. They are the first ones I seek soon as I return to Manhattan. I gamble. I dare be hurt. I also dare to find my family here in this city to grow bigger.
My friends know me well - that I give my best, all that I can, if I can, to them. I don't demand much - just respect and to accept me for what I am - basics of a genuine friendship. Coming to New York, I have become more tolerant and understanding of people's shortcomings. Back in Manila kasi, friends are but minor characters in my life story. I have my family that I can turn to and always matter most. Forgiveness is easy but forgetting is something else. I have this mental meter that only allows so many and so much before I can turn around and scratch someone out of my friends list. And unfortunately, I don't give second chances. Minsan when I think about it parang bata but taking with some friends back in Manila I realized it is the same with a lot of them. It is truly pathetic to stay friends with someone who you know is just out to take advantage of your goodwill. Leeches, backbiters, turncoats and the same shouldn't have to weigh down your life.
Looking back, the friends I have kept so far remain those who are more like sisters or brothers to me. Remy and Ana have always been a part of my family and my friendship with them has run through more than a decade, through boyfriends, marriages and children (Ana's). Remy and I will seek each other online to chat if not to talk on the phone for whatever. She travels to NY once a year or I to Ft. Lauderdale or like last year had planned to meet in Ohio.
Ana and I maybe separated by thousands of miles but it has not deterred us from staying in touch. Every year when I go home we make it a point to see each other and when troubled times hit who else would we be calling but each other. Sister, she calls me and I feel that, too. It feels sad that I only get to see her once a year and with hardly any time for private conversation as we would be in the midst of our families. I think when I go home next December I will find time to see her for lunch in Makati, just the two of us.
Lizza is the friend whose frankness I value. She will give it to me straight, walang bola, anything. She doesn't say things to make me feel good. She will say the good and the bad as she sees it. Often we do not see things eye to eye pero that is what friendship is about - agreeing to disagree. Christmas 2003 she was very vocal with her disappointment with me not finding time to see her. Last December we had breakfast, lunch and I met up with her family in a resort where they were vacationing. In other words she manipulated my schedule kaya I didn't get to see anyone else (excused na ba ako - VLH? Gay? Elaine?).
The thing about putting value to friendships, is that you are open to abuse. And I have gone through that time and time again since coming to New York. Minsan I think it's better to just not trust totally in friendships and to keep to myself. But then, along the way I have met and kept some new friends worth their weight in gold, too. So it's really a gamble.
No man is an island and the world is so much better when you can share your rainbows across a wide range of people you hold close to your heart. You pick your friends and put them in a basket and hope you have chosen well. Sometimes you get some and find some rotten oranges or apples in your selection. You can either be enraged and make a big deal out of it or just throw them in the thrash and move on.
I love the friends I have in my basket. Some of them, just new acquaintances I have given a part of my heart that dares to be hurt again. They are the first ones I seek soon as I return to Manhattan. I gamble. I dare be hurt. I also dare to find my family here in this city to grow bigger.