Ephemeral Allusions
Can you really start a genuine relationship on the premise of mutual pleasure without long-term possibilities? It is unconventional but maybe a relationship has a better chance of taking off when it is not saddled with the unwanted weight of commitment and responsibilities. The hint of romance can be contained in the prologue of a candlelit dinner or a walk in the rain and then followed by romping between the sheets and sweet nothings without the discussions of the future.
It is not cold and heartless when you think about it especially when both parties carry on with the prescribed courtesies of not asking too much personal questions. Just the basic, I guess: are you straight, disease-free and drug-free? None of the “I am this perfect so want me” kind of garbage that is tiring when you are in between relationships and is obliging your friends’ sympathy with pathetic blind dates or when you are "just browsing what is on the buffet table of life".
Women, generally tend to seek for a man who has financial security, emotional stability and who is responsible enough to do their own laundry and cook their own dinner. So speaking from a general consensus based on my and my friends’ experiences, a first-time date which should have been fun and enjoyable becomes a secret agent’s saga of uncovering facts about the man. Does he earn enough to pay for the house with the pool, the big lawn and the 3 cars? Does he like kids? Is he emotionally supportive? Will he like my mom? Will my mom like him? Does he know which fork to pick up so that he isn’t a social disaster? If he opens doors now, will keep doing so 20 years from now? Does he look good? Dress well? Smell good? Not a slob, doesn’t snore, etcetera. Geeez…. And it is just the first 5 minutes before the appetizer is served!
The set-up could seem worth its weight in the personal ads but what if you have two un-attached people who are uncertain about the details of what they want for the future but who are open to many possibilities? Wouldn’t that create the ideal recipe for a friendship? And somehow, after you have developed a friendship if the chemistry is right then it has the possibility to segue into something more permanent and could start planning for next week…
It is sans the drama that so constantly accompanies the run-of-the-mill romances. Definitely all relationships start out on a seemingly one-way trip to cloud 9 but after expectations, demands, promises and the un-breaking of promises start to weave an ugly mess, then the hurtful exchanges – verbal, uttered or merely gestured all cause the sharp guillotine to drop on that dreamy future you had pined for. Wounds may heal but they always will leave a scar. Plates hurled can be dodged but not the onslaught of sharp insensitive utterances that cuts deep into your heart and much later, in the silence echoes in your head.
I have often pondered on the idea of a romance where the objective of both parties is the indulgence in the present perfect. Certainly not on the level of abusive dependency but one that is mutually beneficial and non-claustrophobic to both parties. Where the excitement of a novelty doesn’t run dry because the unraveling about each other is slow and so the mystery is sustained. No demands from each other of exclusivity so each one is forever trying to impress the other so that you can continue to guarantee your value vis a vis possible competition. An eternal if not extended courtship.
“That idea shows how flighty you are”, the boyfriend sighs. Only because he insists that I grow up and that is by making all my plans long-term: a mortgage, trust investment, pension fund and the M word. I had to sit down when the room began to spin just thinking of his ideas.
I want to know your take on the issue. Email me your thoughts and we will delve on it some more in a continuation to this entry. Really…
It is not cold and heartless when you think about it especially when both parties carry on with the prescribed courtesies of not asking too much personal questions. Just the basic, I guess: are you straight, disease-free and drug-free? None of the “I am this perfect so want me” kind of garbage that is tiring when you are in between relationships and is obliging your friends’ sympathy with pathetic blind dates or when you are "just browsing what is on the buffet table of life".
Women, generally tend to seek for a man who has financial security, emotional stability and who is responsible enough to do their own laundry and cook their own dinner. So speaking from a general consensus based on my and my friends’ experiences, a first-time date which should have been fun and enjoyable becomes a secret agent’s saga of uncovering facts about the man. Does he earn enough to pay for the house with the pool, the big lawn and the 3 cars? Does he like kids? Is he emotionally supportive? Will he like my mom? Will my mom like him? Does he know which fork to pick up so that he isn’t a social disaster? If he opens doors now, will keep doing so 20 years from now? Does he look good? Dress well? Smell good? Not a slob, doesn’t snore, etcetera. Geeez…. And it is just the first 5 minutes before the appetizer is served!
The set-up could seem worth its weight in the personal ads but what if you have two un-attached people who are uncertain about the details of what they want for the future but who are open to many possibilities? Wouldn’t that create the ideal recipe for a friendship? And somehow, after you have developed a friendship if the chemistry is right then it has the possibility to segue into something more permanent and could start planning for next week…
It is sans the drama that so constantly accompanies the run-of-the-mill romances. Definitely all relationships start out on a seemingly one-way trip to cloud 9 but after expectations, demands, promises and the un-breaking of promises start to weave an ugly mess, then the hurtful exchanges – verbal, uttered or merely gestured all cause the sharp guillotine to drop on that dreamy future you had pined for. Wounds may heal but they always will leave a scar. Plates hurled can be dodged but not the onslaught of sharp insensitive utterances that cuts deep into your heart and much later, in the silence echoes in your head.
I have often pondered on the idea of a romance where the objective of both parties is the indulgence in the present perfect. Certainly not on the level of abusive dependency but one that is mutually beneficial and non-claustrophobic to both parties. Where the excitement of a novelty doesn’t run dry because the unraveling about each other is slow and so the mystery is sustained. No demands from each other of exclusivity so each one is forever trying to impress the other so that you can continue to guarantee your value vis a vis possible competition. An eternal if not extended courtship.
“That idea shows how flighty you are”, the boyfriend sighs. Only because he insists that I grow up and that is by making all my plans long-term: a mortgage, trust investment, pension fund and the M word. I had to sit down when the room began to spin just thinking of his ideas.
I want to know your take on the issue. Email me your thoughts and we will delve on it some more in a continuation to this entry. Really…