Friendship Abuse
There are friendships that should go into the record of worsts. And much as I had been very lucky with most of the friendships I have made in my lifetime, there are a few that would put a dent into your trust psyche and inevitably have you categorizing some people as similar or potential tragedies.
Filipinos are a very helpful lot of people. It is the bayanihan spirit, which is actually the old custom of helping someone move his house by literally carrying his whole house on your shoulders and moving it to another location. Ok, chill, back then Filipino homes were made of wood and so it wasn't that heavy. But still it required the coordination and voluntary spirit of many men to lift and move the house while the women helped each other to prepare the lunch for the group.
That sense of helpfulness is carried onto the present time. Filipinos would not think twice about helping another compatriot in times of need.
Here in the US you come to a city with hardly knowing anyone except one or two people from back home. They introduce you to more friends and then the concentric circle of acquaintances grow. Unfortunately, it is also this system of friend building that eventually leads you to friendship abuse.
I can own up to some tragic friendships. Regretfully it has burned me to now become wary about helping out. People who come into the US in a confused disorganized state of getting settled. After you have helped them out and they get settled, they push the limit of your hospitality until you break a friendship. And then they move on with their lives without even a glance back of gratitude. That is probably the best way, somehow because you'd not want to be involved with their business again closer than a twenty foot pole.
In my case, I realized after much discussion with other friends that this 'friend' wasn't even that friendly with me when I was still in Manila. One instance, even, Dennis reminds me, we saw her at the parking lot as she was coming in for the day and she did not even acknowledge us with a 'hi' or 'hello'. So wasn't it so suspicious that coming to the US she would get in touch with me? Well, in hindsight, these are the lessons I have come to earn well. She lived with us for free, ate our food and joined us in our parties as though she was part of the family. When she was certain she would be on her way to job security with her employer, her true colors began to show by bringing in an uninvited relative to live with us expecting that no costs should be shared at all, as though this newcomer would not be eating, breaking down the bathroom fixtures and causing discomfort with her presence.
There are even more stories from other friends. Women who have been welcomed into homes only to leave with your husbands or boyfriends in tow. Or your jewelries or unpaid loans. I guess I had been luckier. Now whenever someone from home arrives with hopes of staying over with you and realizing their dreams of success in the land of milk and honey, all they get from me is a genuine wish of goodluck and an offer to tour them around the city. But please don't stay with me - I have a small studio which Angelo and I share. In peace. And we'd like to keep it that way.
Filipinos are a very helpful lot of people. It is the bayanihan spirit, which is actually the old custom of helping someone move his house by literally carrying his whole house on your shoulders and moving it to another location. Ok, chill, back then Filipino homes were made of wood and so it wasn't that heavy. But still it required the coordination and voluntary spirit of many men to lift and move the house while the women helped each other to prepare the lunch for the group.
That sense of helpfulness is carried onto the present time. Filipinos would not think twice about helping another compatriot in times of need.
Here in the US you come to a city with hardly knowing anyone except one or two people from back home. They introduce you to more friends and then the concentric circle of acquaintances grow. Unfortunately, it is also this system of friend building that eventually leads you to friendship abuse.
I can own up to some tragic friendships. Regretfully it has burned me to now become wary about helping out. People who come into the US in a confused disorganized state of getting settled. After you have helped them out and they get settled, they push the limit of your hospitality until you break a friendship. And then they move on with their lives without even a glance back of gratitude. That is probably the best way, somehow because you'd not want to be involved with their business again closer than a twenty foot pole.
In my case, I realized after much discussion with other friends that this 'friend' wasn't even that friendly with me when I was still in Manila. One instance, even, Dennis reminds me, we saw her at the parking lot as she was coming in for the day and she did not even acknowledge us with a 'hi' or 'hello'. So wasn't it so suspicious that coming to the US she would get in touch with me? Well, in hindsight, these are the lessons I have come to earn well. She lived with us for free, ate our food and joined us in our parties as though she was part of the family. When she was certain she would be on her way to job security with her employer, her true colors began to show by bringing in an uninvited relative to live with us expecting that no costs should be shared at all, as though this newcomer would not be eating, breaking down the bathroom fixtures and causing discomfort with her presence.
There are even more stories from other friends. Women who have been welcomed into homes only to leave with your husbands or boyfriends in tow. Or your jewelries or unpaid loans. I guess I had been luckier. Now whenever someone from home arrives with hopes of staying over with you and realizing their dreams of success in the land of milk and honey, all they get from me is a genuine wish of goodluck and an offer to tour them around the city. But please don't stay with me - I have a small studio which Angelo and I share. In peace. And we'd like to keep it that way.